i think its fair to say most of us here experience the breakup differently than our BPD partners. thats also true of any romantic partnership. it would still be unrealistic to suggest she has literally forgotten you exist.
dont kick yourself too much for peeking. im quite a ways out; i peek occasionally. if the peeking is hurting you or obsessive, its time to give yourself a break.
finding the right fit in a therapist is a process, just as it can be a general practitioner (doctor). its only so useful for a therapist to tell you they are certain your ex is BPD and go from there. i can tell you, at some point a diagnosis wont matter to you. a good therapist may validate your findings, but keep the focus on you.
youve identified a lot of your issues, that is a huge step. you sound ready to turn the focus to yourself. youve worked on your self esteem, rediscovered your hobbies, and those are also huge steps. give yourself some credit
. and keep it up, too.
disorderedsociety gave you good advice about not falling into the trap of finding someone else to make you forget about your ex. leave that to you. i speak from experience, i have repeatedly looked for another relationship to heal my wounds from a previous one. no person, no relationship, can do that for you. focus on you. rebuild your life. heal your wounds. you will be amazed at the kind of healthy potential partners this will attract.
