Vent about Medical issues

[Depression = 72% of members]

 I was the person when growing up was the "bad" one, the one she lashed out at. I left home and angelic sister lives next door.  Sister and Dad are now her victims.

Several months ago, uBPD Mom had knee surgery.  She has not recovered well due to not following doctors orders.  She did everything she was supposed to the first three days, then I went home.  and she was totally mean to my dad and sister and claimed nobody would take care of her (a lie).

Now she wants a knee replacemsnt.  Fired her incompetent dr and going to another.  I happen to be overdue my mammogram.  So when I found out about all this I scheduled it to get it out of the way before having to deal with her again.

She is having fits over me doing that.  She said that if they find anything then I'd be recovering at the same time she's supposed to have surgery.   So she wants me to skip my mammogram until AFTER she has (not) recovered from her next surgery so that I won't be having treatment at the same time.   What mother would want her daughter to delay cancer treatments in lieu of her own surgery?  I am not the least bit worried that I have cancer, doesn't run in the family.  But my Mom doesn't want me to possibly be in the hospital for anything when she plans to be. 

[todayistheday]

 I was the person when growing up was the "bad" one, the one she lashed out at. I left home and angelic sister lives next door.  Sister and Dad are now her victims.

Several months ago, uBPD Mom had knee surgery.  She has not recovered well due to not following doctors orders.  She did everything she was supposed to the first three days, then I went home.  and she was totally mean to my dad and sister and claimed nobody would take care of her (a lie).

Now she wants a knee replacemsnt.  Fired her incompetent dr and going to another.  I happen to be overdue my mammogram.  So when I found out about all this I scheduled it to get it out of the way before having to deal with her again.

She is having fits over me doing that.  She said that if they find anything then I'd be recovering at the same time she's supposed to have surgery.   So she wants me to skip my mammogram until AFTER she has (not) recovered from her next surgery so that I won't be having treatment at the same time.   What mother would want her daughter to delay cancer treatments in lieu of her own surgery?  I am not the least bit worried that I have cancer, doesn't run in the family.  But my Mom doesn't want me to possibly be in the hospital for anything when she plans to be. 

[rotiroti]

Hey kudos for taking charge of your health! Does your mom know that it's just a screening procedure and you'll be in and out of the imaging center within a few minutes?

Lastly you mentioned no family history, are you just going in for your annual screening (starting at age 50 when no family history)?

[losthero]

Wow, just wow.  How very selfish.  As a mom myself I cant imagine saying that to my kid. 

[todayistheday]

Hey kudos for taking charge of your health! Does your mom know that it's just a screening procedure and you'll be in and out of the imaging center within a few minutes?

Lastly you mentioned no family history, are you just going in for your annual screening (starting at age 50 when no family history)?

Yes, annual screening, which I started at age 40, now 53.  She knows what it is.  Her concern is that they will find something and that I will be in the hospital when she wants to be in the hospital, so I should wait until after she's recovered, period.

[Deb]

WOW! So she wants you to put off a routine screening, in case they find cancer, so you can take care of her afer her elective  surgery. How very nice of her. (That was sarcasm) Sounds almost like some of the selfish PDs I know. Please do the mammo. There was no history of breast cancer in my family, but I had it anyway. I was lucky, no chemo just a lumpectomy, that I recovered from in a week. It was outpatient too, so I was home the same day I had the surgery. Now 11 years later, all is good.  So even if they find something, she could postpone her surgery. Most mothers would, I think. Mine would have, had she been alive.

[Sunfl0wer]

Just had to pop in and say:

Wow!  Unfathomable!

 

*Speechless*

[todayistheday]

WOW! So she wants you to put off a routine screening, in case they find cancer, so you can take care of her afer her elective  surgery. How very nice of her. (That was sarcasm) Sounds almost like some of the selfish PDs I know. Please do the mammo.

Of course I will.  I am a couple months late scheduling due to not getting around to calling to the place at a time that they are open.  Not about to reschedule for Queen upd Mom.  I only follow her orders when those orders make sense.

WOW! So she wants you to put off a routine screening, in case they find cancer, so you can take care of her afer her elective  surgery. How very nice of her. (That was sarcasm) Sounds almost like some of the selfish PDs I know. Please do the mammo. There was no history of breast cancer in my family, but I had it anyway. I was lucky, no chemo just a lumpectomy, that I recovered from in a week. It was outpatient too, so I was home the same day I had the surgery. Now 11 years later, all is good.  So even if they find something, she could postpone her surgery. Most mothers would, I think. Mine would have, had she been alive.

I am glad that it turned out ok for you.  I have had other friends with cancer and they have follow up treatements in the year that follow plus diagnostics.  Hope you are keeping up with what you are supposed to.

[justAkid]

Yes, yes yes. uBPD/NPD mother had double knee replacement one summer and convinced my dad to also have the same surgery at the SAME TIME "so the kids could take care of us and we can get it all done with at once." Yet they never mentioned this issue to us to make sure this would be ok with us or our schedules. Now, at the time, I was finishing up chemotherapy treatments and I was driving myself and throwing up in the parking lot before I got in the car to drive myself home. My mother would say that it in no way compared to the agony she was in with her recovery from knee replacement surgery and her physical therapy. She also did not do what she was supposed to do and ended up back in the hospital for another surgery (on her digestive system) for not taking care of herself. While my dad healed fine. I would drive around taking care of them and then visiting my grandmother who was recovering from a stroke in a nursing home. This was before I began to understand what the heck the problem was.

I look back on that time I can't believe what insanity I allowed in my life. She now denies I ever had chemotherapy and tells me to stop lying to people if I mention it. Or other times will try to one up me with her ailment at the moment.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You know how when you are on an airplane and they say that if there is a problem, you are supposed to put the oxygen mask on yourself before your child? Think about that.