I'm afraid I forgot the Lessons for a moment

[townhouse]

My SO and I have been getting along really well for quite a few weeks when out of the blue a dysregulation suddenly happened. Perhaps I shouldn't say suddenly because he has been scratchy with me for a couple of days.  He's been raising his voice at me about stuff in the news the last couple of days and then earlier tonight it came to a head over a television programme.

We watched through the computer a programme that had previously aired and after he said "do you want to watch the next episode" I replied that I didn't think the next episode would be available because it hadn't screened on normal TV time yet. He said that 'didn't I believe him that it was available, he wouldn't have mentioned it if he wasn't sure it was available." I said the wrong thing... .I repeated that I thought it wasn't available. Yes ... .Total dysreg " you never believe a word I say" " you think you know but you don't". Yelling' hands on hips etc. he was right by the way... .it was available.

I am afraid I forgot the Lessons for a while and yelled back. I said things like "I always listen to you and believe you all the time. I am always there for you". Then I really let go and said something about him giving me the silent treatment for about 4 months earlier this year and how much it hurt.

I could see him going into another altered state and I stopped talking. I calmed down and said I was going to bed. He said he was tired and going to bed, he got up and went to bed.

Goodness knows how things will be in the morning.

I wish I hadn't spoken as I did. But part of me feels relieved  to have told him about the months of silent treatment. I added that it had been awful for me and hadn't he noticed I hadn't been here for most of March. No he hadn't noticed.

Here I am blaming myself again for speaking "out of turn"

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

 

Many times a good night sleep will help things.

Let us know how things are today.

 

None of us are perfect.  I still mess up as well.  Put it behind you... .review the lessons... .move forward.

FF

[vortex of confusion]

   

We are all human.

How long have you been studying the lessons and trying to implement them? I have been at it for close to a year now and I still screw up. I have a whole lot of years of practice when it comes to having less than wonderful reactions. Learning the lessons and trying to implement them on a consistent basis is kind of like a toddler learning how to walk. Sometimes you fall down!

How are things?

[an0ught]

The LESSONS are not tools or tricks. They are about skills. You would not need guidance and practice if you got it right each and every time.

New day is often a completely new chapter. Let us know how you are doing  

[townhouse]

Thanks for your support again FF, Vor and anO.

It seems this truly is a family.

Well this morning although quiet it was back to relative 'normal'. However I feel drained and I am going to go to the city for a few days... .see my sons, have some me time. It seems I have to get away about once a month to recharge back to me otherwise I get swamped in his huge personality with BPD qualities added for good measure. Although I am a strong person, somehow I can't remain strong and thriving and fall back into codependency when I don't have a break. I am very lucky to still have my little place from years ago that I have managed to hold onto.

Been on these boards and learning the Lessons only 5 months so I guess it is still early days. They have helped so much that I guess I slipped into magical thinking whereby we were in a NonBPD relationship. Last night dispelled all that, a reality check.

Interestingly something that came out last night was that I asked why did he think it was alright to not speak to me for weeks. His shouted answer was " I have high functioning autism that's why". So he certainly sees his behaviour goes against what is thought of as 'normal'. He won't ever get treatment.