Telling a child that his mother has a mental illness

[rosie0523]

My GS just turned 11 and has been living with my BPD DD and his dad since he was born.  It has been constant chaos.  My DD is moving out with GS next week.  I have no idea how this will all work out, she has not been able to manage her life in many, many years.  At least they will all still be close by  so I can continue to see him regularly.

GS just sent me a text that he wants to come live with me and his grandfather.  This is a first and I don't know what brought this on.  I'll talk to him tomorrow.  My DD intercepted my note back to him so now she is all worked up, nothing new there.

My question is at what age is it appropriate to explain to a child that his mother has a mental illness?  In the past I have told him that she just gets moody.  How much information and how does one approach this with a child?  He is very protective of her. 

Thanks,

Rosie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[enlighten me]

Hi Rosie

sorry to hear your dealing with this.

Firstly what country do you live in. In the uk a child of ten can express where they want to live which has to be considered by courts.

I have recently spoken to my boys 12 & 14 about their mum having a personality dissorder. For me it was something I built up to slowly. In a way I was lucky as my exgf I believe has BPD so they saw her behaviour and I spoke about my suspicion of mental health issues. This prepped them for when I spoke to them about my ex wife their mum. As soon as I said it they unstantly saw the similarities.

[lbjnltx]

My question is at what age is it appropriate to explain to a child that his mother has a mental illness?  In the past I have told him that she just gets moody.  How much information and how does one approach this with a child?  He is very protective of her. 

Thanks,

Rosie

It may be best to just find words to describe how he may be experiencing his mother... .like "your mom has big emotions" and then focus on how her behaviors affect him... ."how do you feel when mom yells at you?"... ."how do you feel when she says that?"

It would serve him well to have a validating and safe place to visit regularly and take vacations from the intense emotional environment of home. 

Any chance of getting him into therapy?  (just thought I'd ask  )

[ProfDaddy]

I faced this when my daughter was younger, how to explain her mother's struggles.  It is never too young to talk about, but little ones won't understand the illness concept.  As adults, we can put words around the ways their parent is different.  It helps when we avoid judgment and maintain compassion (a tall order sometimes).