I thought we were unique

[chasman]

My wife of 39 years was diagnosed with BPD.  She does not believe she has it.  I read the book Stop Walking on Eggshells and was amazed how many behaviors and traits we experience are common with others with BPD!  I (we) are not so unique after all.  I cannot talk to her about this.  She could explode in a rage, and try to convince me I am the one who has it.  Yet she can't keep friendships or jobs, can't see her role in conflict with others, blames me for all our relationship problems, and when in a 12 step program, said about the 4th step, "I guess the only character defect I have is that I don't think I have any."  Right now I am gathering information and learning about BPD.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[an0ught]

Welcome chasman,

"I guess the only character defect I have is that I don't think I have any." 

that is a useful defect to have. Saves you all the trouble to learn in life 

Take your time to look around. Education goes a long way helping you to manage situations better when they arise.

,

a0

[Ceruleanblue]

Welcome. You'll find this place is an endless source of advice and things to learn. I found the tools to the right super helpful. It's trial and error, and working on yourself too. While they might have a diagnosis, it's US, the nons who seem to bear most of the burden of not making it worse, as they say. It is a dance, and it takes two to tango, but how smooth will the tango be if one person keeps stepping on the others' toes? I used to think he was right, and it was all ME, but no more.

Keep reading. At 39 years married, I'm sure I could ask you for advice on what has worked, and what hasn't. Give yourself a pat on the back for lasting this long. That's a lot to be proud of.