I find myself stressed out today over trying to manage tricky social situations... .
I got a call from a business owner that we do business with and he was not pleased with me for something he assumed to be true. Well, his assumption was partly correct. I was refusing to participate in a job role, (The role is expected, but not mandatory... .even tho they like to think it is) however, I felt I had good reason and that my reason was beneficial to all, especially me... .I felt he may understand this if he heard my rationale.
Well, he began implying some effects to my job security if I did not agree with him. (He is not my boss... .I do business
with him... .not
for him... .he cannot fire me... but he can affect my reputation and ability to network) I didn't like his tone at all... .and my instinct is to tell someone that I need to think about it and get back to them. So this is what I did.
Later in the day... .
I was feeling I needed to sleep on this.
I texted him explaining that I wanted to be thoughtful about my response, therefore would like some info about it all to add to my understanding, in order to be most conscientious about my position on the matter.
He called me.
I told him that I was still in the brainstorming process, that I wanted to be very thoughtful, and did not want to speak to him until I had more thoughts formulated about it. He insisted that now was a good time for him. I acquiesced.
In no time, a quite heated exchange ensued. We were both triggered. We made a couple of good points to each other that were heard, however, I was simultaneously fast processing some disordered thinking on his part. I did a little digging, asking around... .in order to know what is the truth about some of it that affects me. He was apparently more triggered by me than I realized because I later found out that his information was quite exaggerated.
So the end result is actually not so bad... .
He is refusing to have me work on the role that I had issue with... .and notifying appropriate people.
So in looking at me... .
~I feel emotionally drained from this... .crap!
How can I be more emotionally resilient to not feel so drained?~I was so bothered by the fact that he was trying to find ways to bully and intimidate me! I am proud that I stood my ground, but even in the end... .his "solution" was presented to me as though he was punishing me by not allowing me to work on this thing that I didn't even want to in the first place!
! This pissed me off. Both that I allowed him to get under my skin, and also that he tried to exert control over me and was clearly unhappy that I did not simply yield. I almost felt like he took a bet with someone that was... ."Look, I'll call Sunflower, put her in her place, you'll see, she'll do it cause I said so."
~To be honest... .I'm also upset because I lost control... . control of allowing myself to interact only from a non triggered place. I was not able to control his viewpoint of me... .he saw me as an opponent... .I continued to try to convince him I was on his side by using some very rational thinking... .showing him benefits he didn't realize.
~I'm upset that I was genuinely attempting to work together with him... .and I assumed he was going to appreciate sharing of ideas... .I soon realized that his goal was not the same... .his goal was to make me comply... .to "win."
~Uh... it actually hurt my feelings that he used an insult to me... he was implying that I'm arrogant. The insult made it clear to me he was talking behind my back with someone as he would not have known the info.
For me a win would have looked more like a sharing and respect of ideas. Not just getting removed from a role. I shared this all with a coworker who is very professional with many years my senior. She thought that all my reasoning was very valid. She continued to ask me how he responded to my valid concerns. All I could describe, was his rejection through lies, over-generalizations, etc. She shared similar concerns previously, however, had not confronted him. I think she is relieved that I cleared a path for her to confront him with. She is also jealous that I do not have to do that role... .
!
