Step mom of BPD 19

[Jenipher]

Hello,

I've been on several forums, some for step parenting, BPD, marriage talk... .I turn to this type of place to share, vent and learn. 

Presently, I am in the process of a divorce.  I married a man who had custody of two beautiful little girls 10 years ago.  Biological mother was incarcerated and these darling girls needed a warm, loving and stable foundation.

Through the years, I have been through many ugly trials with the eldest who has BPD.  I went to great measures to learn, cope and survive BPD.  There are two key elements to survival 1. Support (from spouse) and 2. Boundaries.  Without those elements, there is no control.

I look forward to reading posts and sharing my experiences, and offer my compassion.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[ForeverDad]

I know this question can't be enforced since SD is now an adult but... .Is she in any form of meaningful therapy?  Therapy is the #1 option.  Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is reported to be the most helpful but of course the patient has to want to change - others can't do it for her - and that's very hard to accomplish if she's in Denial and stuck Blaming and Blame Shifting.

If she's unwilling to do therapy then it largely depends upon firm boundaries, modeling of good behaviors, communication skills and appropriate strategies.  We have various forums and workshops to assist you in educating yourselves, learning skills and techniques and developing proactive and flexible strategies and goals.

Sadly, you can't live her life for her.  As an adult it is entirely reasonable and appropriate to let her Face Her Consequences, otherwise you'd in effect be enabling her to continue down wrong paths.  If it becomes really bad you may have to emotionally let go, let her live her life and, more or less, protect yourselves with boundaries and distance.

[lbjnltx]

Hi Jenipher,

Welcome to the family!

Do you still have a relationship with your stepdaughter with traits of BPD? How old is she now?

There are stepmoms over on the Parenting Board that post about their relationship with their BPD stepkids, work on ways to improve communication and get feedback from other parents.  I welcome you over there too!

lbjnltx