NC is hard... its like something is missing

[cloudten]

Okay... .so a couple days into no contact... .and i am struggling. I am trying to figure out why i am struggling. I think it is because he and i texted ALL DAY EVERYDAY. Now that is gone. I dont have anyone else that texts me all day every day. So i am feeling very empty without someone constantly blowing my phone up. I am like pavlovs dog.

[Darsha500]

I wanna strongly recommend a book to you. My situation is similar. She would text me constantly. To the point that I would be anticipating a text all the time, checking my phone, etc. then when it stopped it felt like something was missing. I was thinking last night about how something new has got to come into replace those old tendencies.

Anyway, this book has got a great section on the nessecity of no contact. Lots of other great stuff too.

www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Your-Breakup-Devastating/dp/0738213284

[greenmonkey]

I agree No contact is hard - but the level of no contact is up to you.

Things can be made easier by blocking numbers on your phone, deleting emails addresses and blocking Facebook.

I did all those things and 9 months later I am free, mostly got me back and moving on with my life.

At the end of the day only you can decide what you do to look after you and the amount of self care you give yourself to heal.

It takes time to heal but can be made easier if you are strict with yourself, it is breaking an addiction going cold turkey. Take up a hobby get out with friends look after you

[Mutt]

Hi cloudten,

I understand. I can see how hard that would be when we're in constant contact with an SO and then there's no contact.

My ex partner and I would text, Facebook, email each other every day.

I can see how the first couple of days is really hard  

How about getting in touch with your friends?

[balletomane]

Okay... .so a couple days into no contact... .and i am struggling. I am trying to figure out why i am struggling. I think it is because he and i texted ALL DAY EVERYDAY. Now that is gone. I dont have anyone else that texts me all day every day. So i am feeling very empty without someone constantly blowing my phone up. I am like pavlovs dog.

I'm ten weeks into no contact. The first week was the hardest. I was feeling similar to you - my ex and I used to chat all the time over IM when we weren't together, and our conversations punctuated my day. In that first week the whole structure of my day seemed to collapse. It was especially hard to do any work on the computer, as I was used to talking to him online. I realised that the only way to cope with the feelings would be to break my routine with something unusual, something I'd never done with him. I decided to go on a weekend hike (he hated outdoorsy stuff) to an area we'd never visited together. Then I filled my timetable with other activities. I remembered how much I'd enjoyed calligraphy as a child and signed up for a weekly calligraphy class. I bought myself a few nice journals to encourage myself to start writing again. I contacted old friends I hadn't seen in a while to arrange to meet up. I visited the library more often. If my mood was really low, I'd just get myself out of the house and go for a walk.

I still felt as though something was missing. I still feel a dull ache from the pain. But pushing myself to do more of the things I enjoy, to make time for healthy nurturing things such as exercise, and to spend time with the people who matter to me has shown me that I can cope with that pain. I have surprised myself how well I have managed, despite being devastated. Plan what you want to do to help yourself and then go ahead and do it. Persistence is key. The shadow of your broken relationship may be very long, but if you keep walking you will eventually outwalk the shadow. You need to rediscover what you love (I think a destructive relationship almost always has a bad effect on favourite activities) and to actively push yourself to develop hobbies that have nothing to do with your ex. Reclaim yourself. I am a long way from healed, but things are better than they were and this is the best advice I can give so far.

[cloudten]

Thanks everyone! I actually feel better... .it is just really strange not constantly texting him. I texted a lot of other friends yesterday (some that I need to try to repair the friendship since I cut so many out of my life for him) instead, and had dinner with my father. It was great! Fortunately I am distracted with a friend's wedding this weekend. But the silence from the phone is WONDERFUL yet a little painful. I got so used to that attention, but I know that it was an exaggeration of what "normal" is. When I was married, we texted only a handful of times during the work day... .and it was generally only at lunch just to check in. So, I know that the constant messaging back and forth was over-the-top... .but now it's just so weird without it.  I know I will get used to it again.

I finally blocked him on social media. His emails are blocked. The last step in the cell phone. He hasn't been texting or calling, so I might just leave that as is for now.

I will definitely read the book... .THANKS!

Overall, it has only been 5 days, but I am feeling free and breathing again! This may be the fastest I have felt at ease again after our breakups. I think I actually have a positive outlook on my future. I am just hoping this sticks and that I never ever go back.

And I definitely need some sort of new group hobby where I can make more friends of both genders.

[Mutt]

That's great news that you're re-connecting with your friends and that you had a wonderful dinner with your father  

If you're interested with meeting new people with similar interests and hobbies in a group setting how about meetup.com?

[cloudten]

haha... .meetup group is on my to-do list... .but i keep coming here instead! I think next week, after this wedding, I will make it a priority to get involved with a meetup group.