Should I ask my ex if she'll speak to me?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I've just written a letter to my ex. I haven't sent it or anything.

Jesus... I laid into her. I was writing it for hours. Just flowing out of me like it always does. It started out quite coherent but towards to end I'm just hurling abuse. It's basically all my pain on the page.

Now, place the letter off to the side for a few days.  Come back to it and if you still want to send it then do so.  BUT as Apollotech said, no expectations.  This is FOR YOU letter.  If you have a T take it there and read it out loud.  If no T then find a good friend who you can sit with alone that you are comfortable expressing yourself with and read it there. 

Under all this anger are a lot of hurt feelings for someone you still probably love.  You may consider saying that too, if it is true.

Keep us posted.  I am not where you are at because it is still too fresh but I have a similar letter to write to me ex.

[joeramabeme]

I've just written a letter to my ex. I haven't sent it or anything.

Jesus... I laid into her. I was writing it for hours. Just flowing out of me like it always does. It started out quite coherent but towards to end I'm just hurling abuse. It's basically all my pain on the page.

Now, place the letter off to the side for a few days.  Come back to it and if you still want to send it then do so.  BUT as Apollotech said, no expectations.  This is FOR YOU letter.  If you have a T take it there and read it out loud.  If no T then find a good friend who you can sit with alone that you are comfortable expressing yourself with and read it there. 

Under all this anger are a lot of hurt feelings for someone you still probably love.  You may consider saying that too, if it is true.

Keep us posted.  I am not where you are at because it is still too fresh but I have a similar letter to write to me ex.

[valueachild]

I'm dealing with the exact same thing only my exBPD BF is high functioning and I initially broke up with him... then he broke up with me after I started negotiating.  He had a nervous breakdown and went in the hospital. I was scared and got a temp. restraining order. He showed up with a hot shot attorney and fought it. 2 weeks later he shows up at a function he knew I attended and wanted to talk... .I was afraid to speak with him and left.  He meets some woman 3 states away through an online dating service and I found her on his FB and contacted her friend.  I badmouthed him to her bc I don't want him to move on so quickly and I also spoke with a coworker to find out if he went to AA (before I knew about BPD)  I pushed him away again with a letter telling me I'd moved on which was a lie!  Its been 4 mo NC and I recently learned about BPD and that I have issues with fearful avoidance and codependency. In therapy now but I miss him terribly and just want to talk to him after the fallout.  What are the chances?  Do I run into him somewhere and make him think its by accident?  I found out that he is in therapy too. My heart goes out to Soar... I'm just like him... can't move on and in constant pain. Tried dating and distractions and it doesn't work!