mamamonkey5
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 10
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« on: August 18, 2015, 02:30:04 PM » |
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Hi,
My daughter is 15. We have had problems for years. She was adopted when she was 3. We have five children, two other teens that were also adopted and two biological children.
I often feel at a loss. The upset and stress our relationship with our daughter causes is a source of upset throughout the whole house and is contradictory to our relationships with our other children. I often suffer terrible guilt over the environment our other kids are subjected to because of the yelling and fighting and stress and unrest present due to how things are with our one daughter. I try and try, read and employ new strategies. I have heart to hearts with her plead, explain myself blue, nothing ever makes a difference. Well most things make a difference for a little while but then we always go back, we always find ourselves back like nothing had ever gotten better. We tried therapy for the first time this year. Things were good while we were going but as soon as we graduated for a time, a period to go and work on the things we had learned and talked about, she regressed with in 3 days literally. It was like we had never gone. It's always devastating to me when we are back to the horribleness.
The therapist, after meeting with us several times wondered about borderline personality disorder. She does have some symptoms of bi-polar as well as she does have manic episodes and episodes of being very down and depressed.
Our daughter does very well at school. Though it causes her extreme stress and she feels it takes every thing she has to get through the day without being rude to people, getting in trouble, or the like. It's hard for us to know she can be "normal" at school, that she can be successful there and then comes home and we get all the ugly. She claims she can't be respectful to me because she doesn't respect me but she can do it at school. In fact she is the picture of wonderful with every one but the family, so it's very hard because people don't know what it's like. Most people don't see that side of her. Of course there are consequences for her behavior and yet people outside the family don't understand why her privileges are restricted. They can't imagine. And it's true, they can't.
She calls me names, swears at me, yells at me. She says I have ruined her life. She says I am horrible, mean, and unfair. She chastises me for not trusting her even though she lies constantly and admits it's reasonable for me to not trust her given the history, but when some thing comes up that requires trust and she doesn't have it she's furious with me. She has left the house in the night, at 14, walked 5 miles to sneak into a boys house and be intimate with him. She draws on her body all the time, and though it's not severe like cutting, I have told her when she was younger that it's not healthy because of the chemicals in the ink, and to not do it, but she continues to do it. So while it's not severe I do believe she does it as a form of self harm given the context I have set for it. I guess in a way we are lucky some thing more minor like this satisfies that for her.
Nothing is ever her fault. When faced with indisputable proof of her fault she is silent. She won't answers questions where she has to indicate her responsibility in anything unpleasant. If anyone dares to challenge anything she does, no matter how trivial she is enraged. You can not question or challenge or point out anything that is wrong or needs addressing with getting an attitude, rolled eyes, huffing and puffing around. She changes her posture and her gait into this one of extreme attitude and distaste if you dare to challenge her. Her whole demeanor changes.
She tries to triangulate my husband and I, thankfully we have a strong relationship. But there are times it's effective. I am the subject of her anger and rage, and he is the "good one". He is the one that is nice, the one she likes. She has bullied her siblings in the past, been abusive. One time she took her sister's shirt without asking, her sister wanted it back and asked for it, wouldn't let her keep it, and she was so enraged that she slapped her sister. And she was the one who had taken what was not hers! They were at their grandmother's, so the siblings request to have the shirt back was not unreasonable, as their resources were limited to what they had brought along for the sleepover. She exhibits that kind of irrational anger all the time.
I could go on, truly, but will stop for now. Thanks for reading if you got this far!
Sarah
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