My adult child and oldest grandchild is BPD

[sassi]

I am struggling because my BPD adult daughter has 3 kids at home. Two of them are special needs. I have delicate health conditions affected by stress and I also suffer from depression as well as PTSD. She has used me up and spit me out multiple times over the years, turning her back on me for years and depriving me of contact with my grandchildren for no reason. I walk on eggshells wondering when she'll do this again but I help with the kids when I can ,trying not to surrender my health in the meantime.  She seriously attempted suicide last Feb. and told me this morning that for the last two days she has thought of jumping off the bridge .

I love my grand kids very much but sometimes I'm just not able to be with them. At times it actually harder to be with my daughter. I listened today to her rave about my sister .  She was going on about a fight they had in the spring on facebook and really seemed to think she was the injured party. I saw how she behaved Christmas day at my sister's place and feel she really owes my sister an apology but when she let off steam today I said nothing and prayed my face didn't betray how wrong I felt she was. 

My oldest grand daughter has been in foster care and group homes since age 12 and will be emancipated this October. I am frightened for her. I expect she will end up in jail or missing and murdered.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[tristesse]

Sassi, I am very sorry that you are going through this.  It is challenging enough to have a child with BPD, but then to add their children in the mix, and health issues, the whole situation compounds, and becomes more difficult.

Have you taken the time to read the lessons and tools on the right side of the board? If not, I really think you would benefit. You will learn a lot about how to communicate effectively with your daughter, which in turn will alleviate some of the stress in your life, and hopefully help your health t o improve.

I think self care is critically important, especially when dealing with a child who has BPD. I didn't always believe that, and really thought it was selfish of me to spend time on myself, and what I needed to be a healthy functioning person. I learned it is not selfish but necessary, and sometimes I have  to put my needs first.

I have handled situations with my own BPDD , the same way did, I let her talk, and silently prayed she wouldn't be able to tell what I was really  thinking or feeling, sometimes it's the only way to avoid confrontation and battle. I commend  you for seeing the need to do that.

Do something nice for yourself today, and let the stress melt away.

I will look forward to more from you in future pots.

Take care

[lbjnltx]

Hi sassi,

I'd like to join tristesse in welcoming you to the Parenting Board.

We are glad you are here and I hope to be able to be a source of support and information for you.

I'm sorry to learn that your daughter is so stressed out.  People with BPD have low distress tolerance and having 2 special needs children is a very high stress situation to live with.  How is your daughter doing now?  :)oes she see a counselor?

Being suicidal is needs addressing.  Would she be willing to talk to a crisis counselor on the phone when she feels this way?

lbj