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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.
Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
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Topic: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them. (Read 530 times)
Schermarhorn
formerly nonya24
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Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 258
Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
on:
September 06, 2015, 03:59:11 PM »
I'm finding it helpful to read the texts she sent me in the past and reading over them to desensitize myself to her apologies. I can see how she will be very apologetic until I start to talk to her, then she becomes her old self again.
Here's some from the last time she reeled me back in to speaking to her.
"I know I've messed up, and I'm not asking for you back right now. I'm just asking if we'll ever be okay. Is there anything I can do?"
"I promise. No harsh words or placement of blame. I just want an honest conversation."
"I was never using you. I was honest about everything until the end when I said you threatened me. You never did that. But you did scare me sometimes. I'm just terribly sorry beyond the point that you could never understand. I made many mistakes repeatedly and I regret them."
And within a week I get messages like this:
"YOU TOLD ME THAT I DESERVED TO GET MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED. I HAD THE RIGHT TO DO EVERYTHING THAT I DID. YOU'RE LUCKY AS ___ THAT I DIDN'T GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. IF YOU CAN FOLLOW MY ADVICE, THEN WE CAN BE FINE, BUT OTHERWISE LEAVE ME THE ___ ALONE CAUSE YOU'RE MAKING ME CRY IN PUBLIC."
Followed by:
"You need to tell me if you're not going to talk to me anymore".
Something is seriously wrong with me to allow this person to stay in my life. I know this, yet I fall to the "sincere" apologies every time.
She was extremely delusional the last time we were speaking. She kept saying I said things like she deserved to be abused, and kept saying I threatened to hurt her. I'll be honest, I don't know how she can function like this.
What are some tactics that your ex has done to reel you back in?
Logged
Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #1 on:
September 06, 2015, 10:51:46 PM »
1. Hit self in head
2. Drank rust cleaner
3. Overdosed
4. Threatened to call the police/mafia/local gangbanger to make me talk
5. My dog died
6. My cat died
7. I fell and twisted my ankle again/have ms/aids/ebola/swine flu DONT U CARE
8. I love you.
9. I want to see you.
10. Accused me of stalking them by three way calling with me and Dominos Pizza.
Logged
disorderedsociety
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 303
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #2 on:
September 06, 2015, 10:59:53 PM »
Quote from: Beach_Babe on September 06, 2015, 10:51:46 PM
1. Hit self in head
2. Drank rust cleaner
3. Overdosed
4. Threatened to call the police/mafia/local gangbanger to make me talk
5. My dog died
6. My cat died
7. I fell and twisted my ankle again/have ms/aids/ebola/swine flu DONT U CARE
8. I love you.
9. I want to see you.
10. Accused me of stalking them by three way calling with me and Dominos Pizza.
God I wish mine had done the first 4-5 things, it would make it so much easier to say goodbye in my heart.
Logged
hurting300
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1292
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #3 on:
September 07, 2015, 01:46:57 AM »
Quote from: Schermarhorn on September 06, 2015, 03:59:11 PM
I'm finding it helpful to read the texts she sent me in the past and reading over them to desensitize myself to her apologies. I can see how she will be very apologetic until I start to talk to her, then she becomes her old self again.
Here's some from the last time she reeled me back in to speaking to her.
"I know I've messed up, and I'm not asking for you back right now. I'm just asking if we'll ever be okay. Is there anything I can do?"
"I promise. No harsh words or placement of blame. I just want an honest conversation."
"I was never using you. I was honest about everything until the end when I said you threatened me. You never did that. But you did scare me sometimes. I'm just terribly sorry beyond the point that you could never understand. I made many mistakes repeatedly and I regret them."
And within a week I get messages like this:
"YOU TOLD ME THAT I DESERVED TO GET MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED. I HAD THE RIGHT TO DO EVERYTHING THAT I DID. YOU'RE LUCKY AS THAT I DIDN'T GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. IF YOU CAN FOLLOW MY ADVICE, THEN WE CAN BE FINE, BUT OTHERWISE LEAVE ME THE ALONE CAUSE YOU'RE MAKING ME CRY IN PUBLIC."
Followed by:
"You need to tell me if you're not going to talk to me anymore".
Something is seriously wrong with me to allow this person to stay in my life. I know this, yet I fall to the "sincere" apologies every time.
She was extremely delusional the last time we were speaking. She kept saying I said things like she deserved to be abused, and kept saying I threatened to hurt her. I'll be honest, I don't know how she can function like this.
What are some tactics that your ex has done to reel you back in?
did you tell her (do not contact me) ? Or did you disappear?
Logged
In the eye for an eye game, he who cares least, wins. I, for one. am never stepping into the ring with someone who is impulsive and doesn't think of the downstream consequences.
SummerStorm
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Friend
Posts: 926
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #4 on:
September 07, 2015, 09:18:33 AM »
When we were friends/sleeping together, it was always, "I miss you."
After a month of mostly NC, she texted me and said, "I'm not moving anymore. And my boyfriend and I broke up." This was the guy she chose over me and the guy she said was her "reason for living," so I'm sure she expected me to say, "I'm so happy. Please give us another try." I didn't.
Most recently, it was, "Would you possibly have a room for rent? Because I'm about to be homeless." I said no.
We're LC now. She never texts first, but she replies to my texts about 85% of the time. I would say we exchange 5-10 texts a week. She knows I'm still angry at her, and she's been behaving herself. When she stops, I'll stop texting her.
Logged
So when will this end it goes on and on/Over and over and over again/Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop/Till I step down from this for good - Lifehouse "Sick Cycle Carousel"
lovenature
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 731
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #5 on:
September 08, 2015, 06:41:49 PM »
Told me her mother was not well and just wanted a friend to talk to; I let her in and she proceeds to tell me about some guy in a bar hitting on her, then says she misses my touch and taste.
It is all about them all the time, they don't have regard for your feelings because they aren't capable of empathy.
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myself
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3151
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #6 on:
September 08, 2015, 08:48:57 PM »
"I miss you. I love you. I learned what it's like to be without you and I don't ever want to be without you again, it hurts too much. Things will be different now. I've calmed down enough and like you again and am ready to talk."
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rotiroti
formerly neveragainthanks
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 758
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #7 on:
September 08, 2015, 08:54:03 PM »
Really lucid apology letters to me... .and then my family and friends.
Noped the heck out of there and blocked. That was 3 months ago and now that I'm more detached (it still hurts trust me) it was the best decision of my life
Logged
balletomane
Guest
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #8 on:
September 08, 2015, 10:49:02 PM »
Quote from: SummerStorm on September 07, 2015, 09:18:33 AM
When we were friends/sleeping together, it was always, "I miss you."
Same. "I miss you" and "Come here" plus lots of affectionate comments and nicknames.
Once he got interested in the replacement and she began to take up his time, he stopped trying to make conversation with me even on the most basic level. Literally - I would ask "How was your day?" and just get "OK". Nothing else. No attempt at reciprocal chat. That hurts because sometimes it feels like a sign he never gave a damn, I was just there to play with until something better came up. In my last e-mail, after six weeks of trying so hard to maintain a friendship as per his request, I explained that this was part of the reason why I was going NC: I couldn't cope with the hurt and the humiliation of being treated so aloofly by someone who had been my best friend. He replied with, "When you understand why hurting me badly would make me want to distance myself from you, then we can try to be friends again." I haven't heard from him since.
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cm3557
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 30
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #9 on:
September 09, 2015, 02:10:20 AM »
Mine has done everything.
-Showed up at my house, entered without knocking/being invited (i have room mates)
-gifts
-long love letters that would melt anyones heart
-so many apologies. ( emails, texts, voice mails, once called 96 times and sat outside my house the whole night)
-knocking on all doors, literally YELLED UP TO MY WINDOW until i let him in my house
-He'll say things like "if we really felt the way we said, and our love was so special, it deserves an honest conversation, WE deserve it, please talk to me about this"
-SUICIDE THREATS and MORE SUICIDE THREATS.
Im so exhausted from it all.
Logged
Pretty Woman
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683
The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #10 on:
September 09, 2015, 09:10:37 AM »
"I have never loved anyone like I've loved you. I don't know why you make me so crazy"-see, still my fault.
"Please, I promise, I'm not asking to get back together... I just think if we talk it will be good for both our hearts. Let me soothe both our hearts and make things better."
"You've changed (for the good). I'm so happy you changed (when I really didn't. Same Pretty Woman). This is the "pretty woman" I fell in love with".
" I just can't stop thinking about you. Even when I was having sex with ________ I couldn't get you out of my head".
"I miss you so much".
"I was laying in the hospital bed and wanted to reach out but couldn't bear you rejecting me
(she left me for someone and ended up in the hospital with a ruptured disk. My replacement never visited her in the hospital so she painted me white... .while also looking for other supply via match and was still talking with them when we were back together). She proceeded to say, "I never thought you'd speak to me again". Then again she sent a fishing email and that is what I stupidly responded to.
and the last one which I declined and we haven't spoken since... .this after she found my replacement and wanted us all to hang out together and be best buddies.
"We will always be a part of each other's lives. We have matching tattoos. Nothing will change, I promise. You are my best friend and always will be."
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Pretty Woman
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683
The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #11 on:
September 09, 2015, 09:15:53 AM »
Beach Babe,
I know it's not funny... .but stalking them three-way between you, them and Domino's Pizza.
I am dying over here... .
I mean how insane is that? It just floors me!
Logged
Beach_Babe
Also known as FriedaB
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 2412
Re: Things he/she said to get you to talk to them.
«
Reply #12 on:
September 11, 2015, 09:24:02 PM »
It is funny. He was bigger than a house. If only i was a salami or rack of lamb *sniff* he would have stayed.
Logged
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