Do you feel like you might have a tendency to over-share?
I sent something similar to this to my Ex, after a 6 year r/s and two kids. I didn't get ST, but denial, projection, and ridicule. "Silly me for being honest," I thought at the time.
Maybe this was too much, too intimate? He wasn't "there" with you. Maybe he didn't want to be challenged. All in all, probably not a good emotional match.
Sometimes it may be hard to slow down and find out who someone really is. I don't like it in that it seems like game-playing to me, but letting others show you who they are organically is probably more natural and safe.
One of the qualities I now look for in someone is the ability to be 100% myself and honest with them. I want them to feel the same about me. Right before his uncalled for ignoring of me, we had just had a deep, intimate conversation and when I said I would back away a bit, he began actually revealing that he liked me, liked where it was going, thought we had something good, didn't know how much time he needed, and didn't want to hold me back. Kind of a lot of mixed signals, but in the end, he said he still wanted to talk like we had been, regardless of what was best for me... .so generous... .because I told him I couldn't invest in someone who couldn't invest in me.
Sadly, my heart was already there. We talked every day. I should've known it wouldn't be easy to just forget him and back off. So, I thought he might be waiting on me to set the tone since he was silent for two weeks... .sent that first friendly message... .ignored. I sent the final message after I had given him two days to reply. The longest he'd ever waited was a day, so I knew he had cut me out, deep down, though I didn't want to. That's when I sent the final message. I was hoping the guy who acted fine and said he liked what we had would reappear.
Just a few weeks after talking, we had an intimate conversation. Probably more than I revealed to anyone. Probably the honeymoon stage. But, so did he. He even said during our talks that it was the sweet stage and it's all about "seeing if we can handle each other's crazy." I guess that's why I was hoping to get through to him. He hadn't been opposed to honesty in the past.
Well, from what I've heard and seen online, he has become a raging alcoholic so much so that his friends that he still converses with are a little worried. He had actually calmed down a lot. This makes me wonder if the new replacement, whoever she may be, is one.
All in all, I think you're right. He hasn't had many relationships. I was stupid to think that I would help or show a man love that says things like:
- It's the sweet stage right now
- It's about seeing if we can handle each other's crazy
- I'm afraid you'll leave once you see my demons
- I've never let a woman completely in
- She's (me) too smart
- I never know what I want
For him to have ignored me, my friend, and her husband (his friend of years), it makes it more real that it's the disorder. No normal person just cuts half his friend base off without explanation. Sometimes, I wonder if it was because they kind of set us up. Sometimes, I wonder if it's shame, knowing how he treated me, their friend. We are painted black.
I'm afraid that when he comes back, I'll be painted as they crazy one, when all I was trying to do was be honest and loving, which is what I look for in a partner.
At least, our friends are seeing his true side now. They admitted the other day that he'd disappear over the years, to pop back up like nothing happened. Now that he's completely ignoring everyone's messages and calls... .they are seeing the BPD rear its ugly head.
I was trying to do that and I guess I should have just ended it all together. He would sabotage the one date we had set up and would only say "let me know when you're free" when I finally told him I was done making moves, to which he said "I asked you on a date!" The date he sabotaged. It was getting old, quick. I was wanting to get closer like a normal person. I guess you could say he was showing his true colors. I never knew how he felt unless I had upset him, or I had to pressure him. A woman shouldn't have to ask... .hey, where is this going? Or, she shouldn't be there in the first place because obviously the man has no intentions of taking it anywhere.
I remember in the beginning that he told me it takes him a while to warm up to people, so I guess when he pretty much said he was warming up to me and we got closer... .and he put the breaks on... .it really confused me and that's why I couldn't understand his sudden coldness.
I've been single for 3 years. By the looks of it, I probably need 3 more years of inner work before I can even fathom dating again. :'(
I was doing so good before this m*****f*****.
