I'm changing

[flowerpath]

My husband lost his job this week as a result of layoffs at work.  He has a rocky employment history because of businesses closing, so it's nothing new, but the last time he was unemployed, it was for 18 months.

Every time he's lost a job or had a decrease in salary, I've immediately started thinking about what I can do to try to fix the problem and make up for the loss of income, and have taken on extra work in addition to my more than full time job in education. 

I know he's accustomed to my moving into action and taking on extra work.  The night he lost his job, he said we all need to come up with an idea for a business.  I'm not opposed to working hard.  I'm a believer in entrepreneurship, but unless he does something differently, I know from experience what that means at our house.  I have taken on different kinds of part-time self-employment in the past, and have worked really long and hard hours after coming home from my full time job, while he watched TV.   

I told him that I'm sorry he lost his job, and I will continue to be frugal and pinch pennies however I can, but this time, my hands are full.  Between my job, the housework, and the yard, I can't take on any more that I already have, and I'm not able to create or find a job for him. 

He was disappointed in my response, but I know now that what I've done in the past has gotten in the way of his taking responsibility. This whole situation will be challenging, and I'm glad that I've had the tools and support here so that this time, I can see what is happening and respond with a totally different mindset from before. 

[eeks]

Hi flowerpath,

If you'll forgive my cheesy metaphor, it's as though you've recognized your relationship as a dance, and you have noticed different steps you can take and feel more confident than before in taking them.

And as you say, it's from a totally different mindset... .it sounds like you're not doing it because "someone told you it was a healthier thing to do", the impulse to do it is coming from a shifted perspective in you.  Which is great news to me, because I find those are the types of changes that last. 

Keep us posted how it goes.