Art and creative practices

[eeks]

About 3 years ago a friend invited me to do some painting and drawing at his house.  I have impressed a number of friends with my recovering of my artistic abilities that I stopped pursuing after high school.

("I'm an adult now, 18 years old, and adults make sensible decisions for the future" that statement was literally half a life ago and I'm still not sensible.

I painted and drew on a regular basis for 2 years but it's been about a year since I've done anything.  A couple of months ago I was contacted by someone I used to know in university who was exhibiting some art at a group show.  I went to the show, started talking to some of the people there and there was a gallery owner who was interested in showing my abstracts.  I still haven't contacted him.

I will be taking 2 courses this fall/winter, one sounds like it is more realist technique and the other is contemporary painting.

I have all the supplies.

I know how to make a Wordpress website (well it's been a couple of years but I figured it out before, so I'm sure I could do it again). 

I have a camera with which to take pictures of all my art (there are some on my cell phone but it's an old phone so I need better quality pics).  I could even ask a friend with a better camera to take pictures of my art! 

So how come I'm not doing it?

Obstacles!



- "Art is cool, and I'm not cool, so I can't do it, can't be immersed in that"  (residual stuff from being bullied in elementary school and having few friends/mostly ignored in high school in a small town, not very urban, diverse or creative)

- "Life is hard!   Being a grownup is harrrdddd you gotta work hard to earn anything" (my parents, not how they trained me exactly but vestiges of how they were raised)  I find this really disturbing to uncover these beliefs along the lines of, you have to suffer in order to earn love.

[fromheeltoheal]

"Art is cool, and I'm not cool, so I can't do it, can't be immersed in that"

"Life is hard!   Being a grownup is harrrdddd you gotta work hard to earn anything"

you have to suffer in order to earn love.

Nice eeks, you've identified disempowering beliefs that are getting in your way.  Now, what empowering beliefs can you replace them with that will help and allow you no freely pursue something you value?

I played golf for decades, but stopped making time for it for a while, wasn't sure why, but upon digging I discovered I had associated not golfing well with failure, getting decent again takes commitment, that feels like a job, and I have too much work to do to be playing games anyway, I should be working (parents), blah, blah.  So having dug I chose instead to believe that leisure time is important, mandatory even, and the actual act of golfing is the goal, not the result, and funny thing with golf, the more relaxed and centered you are, the better you play.  That fits well for me: I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing at that time and the act of doing it is the reward, a couple of belief shifts that made something I enjoy sit well.  Parallels?

[Panda39]

eeks,

I have a BFA in Textiles.  At the Textile Department Senior Show, I was the only person to sell a piece of art and I sold it to a San Francisco Gallery owner.  I didn't leverage that opportunity 25 years ago and have regretted it ever since. 

I have always made things... .I couldn't stop if I tried creativity is part of who I am... .but I had never pursued it as a money making business.  Fear and lack of business knowledge stopped me in my tracks.

5 years ago with encouragement from a friend I decided to participate in the Holiday Craft Fair where I work (all the sellers are employees, retirees or volunteers).  I had never done anything like it before and was nervous, how would my work be received?  I was nervous about what I would say to people?  How should I display things?  How much should I charge?... .

I had a fabulous time.  I had no trouble at all talking to people about what I had made (I know it best I made it!), my display was great, full of color, variety and my prices were fare.  I traded like priced items with the other vendors and listened and learned as some talked about other fairs they participated in and how they worked.  I learned that you could get a device that you could connect to your phone so customers could charge their items and got ideas to better display my work. I made several hundred dollars just doing a small fair at a hospital.  Not tons of money but tons of encouragement and knowledge came (and still comes) from the experience.  One year I was solicited to participate in another fair (and I did it!) and I have done the fair at work every year since.  I'm now starting to research selling my work on line.  I have no idea what I'm doing so I've just ordered a couple of books on the subject to gain a basic understanding before I move forward... .but moving forward I am.

So my advice is push through the fear and push those insecurities aside.  Don't let the opportunity pass you by... .have no regrets.  The gallery owner solicited you.  If nothing else just do it for the experience see how it feels... .how it fits and then decide if this is something you want to pursue more of in the future.

I had a mantra back then that has now become my signature here "Have you ever looked fear in the face and just said, I just don't care" -Pink

I encourage you to go for it 

Panda39

[SGraham]

I have found that writing lyrics is very therapeutic. Im going away to college in a few days and one of the things I'm looking forward to the most is performing at open mic nights. Something about creation is very satisfying.

[eeks]

"Art is cool, and I'm not cool, so I can't do it, can't be immersed in that"

"Life is hard!   Being a grownup is harrrdddd you gotta work hard to earn anything"

you have to suffer in order to earn love.

Nice eeks, you've identified disempowering beliefs that are getting in your way.  Now, what empowering beliefs can you replace them with that will help and allow you no freely pursue something you value?

I played golf for decades, but stopped making time for it for a while, wasn't sure why, but upon digging I discovered I had associated not golfing well with failure, getting decent again takes commitment, that feels like a job, and I have too much work to do to be playing games anyway, I should be working (parents), blah, blah.  So having dug I chose instead to believe that leisure time is important, mandatory even, and the actual act of golfing is the goal, not the result, and funny thing with golf, the more relaxed and centered you are, the better you play.  That fits well for me: I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing at that time and the act of doing it is the reward, a couple of belief shifts that made something I enjoy sit well.  Parallels?

Hmm.  I think it's an appealing idea, just being able to "replace a disempowering belief" with an empowering one, (like deleting and installing software on a computer) and if you find you're able to do it, then I won't stop you.   I have not found it to be that simple, though.

For me, what so often comes up is the impact on relationships.  Just now I tried to envision myself pursuing what makes me happy, and what comes up is "I'm going to be so [expletive] happy that everyone is going to hate me"

[eeks]

I had a fabulous time.  I had no trouble at all talking to people about what I had made (I know it best I made it!), my display was great, full of color, variety and my prices were fare.  I traded like priced items with the other vendors and listened and learned as some talked about other fairs they participated in and how they worked.  I learned that you could get a device that you could connect to your phone so customers could charge their items and got ideas to better display my work. I made several hundred dollars just doing a small fair at a hospital.  Not tons of money but tons of encouragement and knowledge came (and still comes) from the experience.  One year I was solicited to participate in another fair (and I did it!) and I have done the fair at work every year since.  I'm now starting to research selling my work on line.  I have no idea what I'm doing so I've just ordered a couple of books on the subject to gain a basic understanding before I move forward... .but moving forward I am.

Hi Panda39... .your story is encouraging.  It sounds like you are just taking small steps, and you learn as you go.  My course starts tomorrow and I'm a bit scared, because I haven't done any art in a year, but I'm also looking forward to trying things out, and I think it might get me moving again.

So my advice is push through the fear and push those insecurities aside.  :)on't let the opportunity pass you by... .have no regrets.  The gallery owner solicited you.  If nothing else just do it for the experience see how it feels... .how it fits and then decide if this is something you want to pursue more of in the future.

Good point, he did solicit me.  Thank you for your support, and I'm really scared, and thank you  

[eeks]

I have found that writing lyrics is very therapeutic. Im going away to college in a few days and one of the things I'm looking forward to the most is performing at open mic nights. Something about creation is very satisfying.

It is satisfying.  I felt that too, especially after I had done a very detailed drawing (something meditative about it maybe).  Again, I think I gave it up because... ."too much happy, and people are gonna hate me for that."

So it's this conundrum, where I feel I can't have both myself and my relationships.

[fromheeltoheal]

"Art is cool, and I'm not cool, so I can't do it, can't be immersed in that"

"Life is hard!   Being a grownup is harrrdddd you gotta work hard to earn anything"

you have to suffer in order to earn love.

Nice eeks, you've identified disempowering beliefs that are getting in your way.  Now, what empowering beliefs can you replace them with that will help and allow you no freely pursue something you value?

I played golf for decades, but stopped making time for it for a while, wasn't sure why, but upon digging I discovered I had associated not golfing well with failure, getting decent again takes commitment, that feels like a job, and I have too much work to do to be playing games anyway, I should be working (parents), blah, blah.  So having dug I chose instead to believe that leisure time is important, mandatory even, and the actual act of golfing is the goal, not the result, and funny thing with golf, the more relaxed and centered you are, the better you play.  That fits well for me: I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing at that time and the act of doing it is the reward, a couple of belief shifts that made something I enjoy sit well.  Parallels?

Hmm.  I think it's an appealing idea, just being able to "replace a disempowering belief" with an empowering one, (like deleting and installing software on a computer) but I am not sure it's that simple.

For me, what so often comes up is the impact on relationships.  Just now I tried to envision myself pursuing what makes me happy, and what comes up is "I'm going to be so [expletive] happy that everyone is going to hate me"

It's not quite that simple, but adopting the belief that beliefs are just like software is helpful.  And then, once we've discovered a disempowering belief and come up with an empowering one to replace it with, the next step is to focus on that belief and look for references to support it, and the more references, the stronger that belief gets, and the disempowering one withers.

Going back to golf, I've noticed that when I intentionally schedule time to play, golf or anything else, I'm fresher and work better with more energy, which reinforces the belief that leisure time is mandatory, strengthening it and making the work-ethic bullsht belief irrelevant.

"I'm going to be so [expletive] happy that everyone is going to hate me"

And of course that leads to wondering do we really want people in our lives who hate us for being happy?

[eeks]

"I'm going to be so [expletive] happy that everyone is going to hate me"

And of course that leads to wondering do we really want people in our lives who hate us for being happy?

oof!  (that's the sound i make when something solid hits me and knocks me over)

There it is.  When I was young, I was forced (by which I mean my mother thought it was the best thing for me to "protect myself" to learn to censor myself to fit in with a very homogeneous, conservative small town farming oriented community.  And I think I LEARNED, "this is just a fact of life, it's how it works, you do this to fit in with people"

[Panda39]

I have found that writing lyrics is very therapeutic. Im going away to college in a few days and one of the things I'm looking forward to the most is performing at open mic nights. Something about creation is very satisfying.

It is satisfying.  I felt that too, especially after I had done a very detailed drawing (something meditative about it maybe).  Again, I think I gave it up because... ."too much happy, and people are gonna hate me for that."

So it's this conundrum, where I feel I can't have both myself and my relationships.

My ex husband never understood art and that it was a part of who I am.  When I told him I was going to do the craft fair he said "Why? you're not going to make any money at it"... .one of the reasons he's my ex.  If the people in your life put you down, don't value what is important to you, and rain on your parade when you are happy... .those people don't care about you and those relationships are not healthy or good for you. If you can't have yourself what kind of relationships are you having with others?

[still_in_shock]

Eeks, I'd love to see your artwork. Share your paintings here or with a link to a website.

I love art too. Il actually thinking of establishing a related business.

Some day my ex was fascinated with my skills, and on others used to laugh/mock at me calling the "starving artist". The latter was when I was between jobs and took an art project for pay. (I'm not an artist and belong to a very different tried professionally).

Anyway, do share your artwork. There are people here to appreciate your artistic talent

[fromheeltoheal]

"I'm going to be so [expletive] happy that everyone is going to hate me"

And of course that leads to wondering do we really want people in our lives who hate us for being happy?

oof!  (that's the sound i make when something solid hits me and knocks me over)

There it is.  When I was young, I was forced (by which I mean my mother thought it was the best thing for me to "protect myself" to learn to censor myself to fit in with a very homogeneous, conservative small town farming oriented community.  And I think I LEARNED, "this is just a fact of life, it's how it works, you do this to fit in with people"

Nice!  Something that is learned can be unlearned, one, and two, something that is learned is something separate from you.  Also, something learned is a belief that was adopted, and can be replaced if it's deemed disempowering.

[Eye438]

Art yes! I began painting over 20 years ago and it was my personal therapy. I am self taught (no college) and I filled my house with paintings of all the dysfunctional family members and wove a story. I had my first solo show in NY within one year of painting. I wrote a story about each painting that was a handout at the show, I sold out and became "famous" in the outsider art arena. I had multiple write ups in magazines like the New Yorker. At that time I was married to an abusive alcoholic and fought to gain my own personal identity and independence. He was very jealous.

I am still painting and struggle at the moment to fully focus but am not giving up on my passion and God given gift to create. It is the best therapy for anyone that has an interest.

[Lucky Jim]

For me, what so often comes up is the impact on relationships.  Just now I tried to envision myself pursuing what makes me happy, and what comes up is "I'm going to be so [expletive] happy that everyone is going to hate me"

Hey eeks, I don't see why art, music or any creative process would have a negative impact on one's relationships.  To the contrary, those are things that to me enhance a r/s.  In fact, I think it's dangerous to sacrifice the things that bring you joy in order to maintain a r/s, because it leads to a loss of self.  I should know, because I gave up a lot in my marriage to my BPDxW, to the point that I forgot who I was for a while there, which was not fun.     Now, I strive to be authentic, which is a worthwhile goal, in my view, for you, too.  These days I would go so far as to say, if someone doesn't like my art or music, F them!  Sorry to put that crudely, but you get the idea.

LuckyJim

[Eye438]

Lucky Jim

It gets that way with the creative process, I feel like I either make art or have a relationship. I realize my need for an unstructured environment. The BpDex could not work and home with me 24/7, I had no space to think let alone paint. I sacrificed willingly to the BPD needs and left myself in the dust for 5 years. Very little painting. It was my own private Idaho. Now, I am painting and pushing, it's work but it's my sanity and comfortable place, even tho I'm not quite there at least I am trying. The future looks bright, I gotta wear shades. 

[Lucky Jim]

Like what you're saying, Eye438.  You could say that art, or any creative endeavor, is about using our gifts.  I made the same sacrifices for my BPDxW which got me into a toxic "slough of despond."  Now I strive to be authentic, which includes doing art and playing music.  Yeah to shades!     LJ

[blissful_camper]

I'm an artist. I decided 8 years ago to pursue my field as a career full time. I took a leap of faith even though it kinda felt like jumping off a cliff.  Five years into it I remember asking myself why I hadn't made that decision earlier in my life.  As I thought about that question the answer surprised me: Fear of success.

Go for it, follow your bliss! 

[Panda39]

Hey eeks, I don't see why art, music or any creative process would have a negative impact on one's relationships.  To the contrary, those are things that to me enhance a r/s.  In fact, I think it's dangerous to sacrifice the things that bring you joy in order to maintain a r/s, because it leads to a loss of self.  I should know, because I gave up a lot in my marriage to my BPDxW, to the point that I forgot who I was for a while there, which was not fun.     Now, I strive to be authentic, which is a worthwhile goal, in my view, for you, too.  These days I would go so far as to say, if someone doesn't like my art or music, F them!  Sorry to put that crudely, but you get the idea.

LuckyJim

Yes exactly!  Right on the money Jim 

Panda39

[Lucky Jim]

Thanks, Panda39.  Needless to say, I feel strongly about the value of self-expression after having had my creativity stifled during marriage to a pwBPD.  LJ

[fromheeltoheal]

Thanks, Panda39.  Needless to say, I feel strongly about the value of self-expression after having had my creativity stifled during marriage to a pwBPD.  LJ

Me too, and do you agree we value something more when we lose it and then get it back LJ?  I went through a phase where every little thing, washing dishes, seeing someone I know at the store, whatever, they were all profound experiences I extra-cherished for a while, freaked some people out with my glee even, which is fine, even contagious at times, and it has now morphed into a general gratitude for life that was missing, and I'm totally fine with that.

[Lucky Jim]

Totally agree, FH2H.  Feels really good to get back what was lost.  I value friends and family more.  I don't take my creative efforts for granted.  I appreciate nature as much or more than ever.  This may sound weird, but I actually enjoy the daily challenges, setbacks and headaches because I view them as opportunities for growth.  Gratitude is the right word.  LJ

[SGraham]

Totally agree, FH2H.  Feels really good to get back what was lost.  I value friends and family more.  I don't take my creative efforts for granted.  I appreciate nature as much or more than ever.  This may sound weird, but I actually enjoy the daily challenges, setbacks and headaches because I view them as opportunities for growth.  Gratitude is the right word.  LJ

That basically sums up how i try to live my life. It makes me think of the myth of sisyphus. I think Camus said something along the lines of "the struggle alone is enough to fill a man's heart".

[HappyNihilist]

It makes me think of the myth of sisyphus. I think Camus said something along the lines of "the struggle alone is enough to fill a man's heart".

<==== SGraham, I love "The Myth of Sisyphus."

The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor. [... .]

If the descent is thus sometimes performed in sorrow, it can also take place in joy. This word is not too much. Again I fancy Sisyphus returning toward his rock, and the sorrow was in the beginning. When the images of earth cling too tightly to memory, when the call of happiness becomes too insistent, it happens that melancholy arises in man's heart: this is the rock's victory, this is the rock itself. The boundless grief is too heavy to bear. These are our nights of Gethsemane. But crushing truths perish from being acknowledged. [... .]

All Sisyphus' silent joy is contained therein. His fate belongs to him. His rock is a thing. [... .]

I leave Sisyphus at the foot of the mountain! One always finds one's burden again. But Sisyphus teaches the higher fidelity that negates the gods and raises rocks. He too concludes that all is well. This universe henceforth without a master seems to him neither sterile nor futile. Each atom of that stone, each mineral flake of that night filled mountain, in itself forms a world. The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

It's important to find joy and meaning for ourselves. No one else can find it for us, or give it to us. Some people will even resent us for finding it - like you said, eeks. As fromheeltoheal pointed out, that's an effective way to learn who we don't want close in our lives.

Everyone deserves happiness and a sense of purpose. And creative expression is a beautiful form of self-discovery - a way to find joy and meaning, explore ourselves, and interpret the world around us. It can help us work through issues and thoughts, or provide a meditative respite to create for creation's sake.

[SGraham]

Call me übermencsh, but i create my own meaning in life. Well philosophy jokes aside i have to say i totally agree. The only meaning in life is the meaning we bring it and in a way creation almost gives me a sense of immortality in a way. Its like i may not live on but my creations will. 

[eeks]

Hi, I'm still here, reading along.  I will probably have more specific responses later, but for now, I see that a number of people have said something along the lines of...

"if someone doesn't support your creative activities, are they really your friend?"



There is a lot of merit to that point.  I am realizing that what I'm talking about here is not about art per se, but my identity.  I grew up in a very homogeneous small town, and my mother thought (or at least this is what she told me after the fact) "The world crushes free spirits, so I had to teach you to tone it down".

So I never got to take the risk and find out whether the world would crush me, she did it first.  I'm having a lot of difficulty shaking that fear that the world will not want me the way I am.  (because remember, who I was told that I had to impress, or at least not offend, was not whoever I chose, but the prim old ladies with pursed lips who would be upset that I had bad manners).  I'm not saying it can't happen, it's just an issue with very deep roots.

By the way, the class seems like it will be difficult but good.  I like the instructor's attitude. 

[fromheeltoheal]

"The world crushes free spirits, so I had to teach you to tone it down"

Now there's a disempowering belief, yikes!  True to an extent though, think MLK and Lennon, but I like how Nietzsche put it:

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

Another handy way to replace a disempowering belief is to find someone you admire who doesn't believe it and see what they believe instead.  :)o you know someone you admire who doesn't believe 'the world crushes free spirits' eeks?  What would they believe instead?

[Eye438]

About 3 years ago a friend invited me to do some painting and drawing at his house.  I have impressed a number of friends with my recovering of my artistic abilities that I stopped pursuing after high school.

("I'm an adult now, 18 years old, and adults make sensible decisions for the future" that statement was literally half a life ago and I'm still not sensible.

I painted and drew on a regular basis for 2 years but it's been about a year since I've done anything.  A couple of months ago I was contacted by someone I used to know in university who was exhibiting some art at a group show.  I went to the show, started talking to some of the people there and there was a gallery owner who was interested in showing my abstracts.  I still haven't contacted him.

I will be taking 2 courses this fall/winter, one sounds like it is more realist technique and the other is contemporary painting.

I have all the supplies.

I know how to make a Wordpress website (well it's been a couple of years but I figured it out before, so I'm sure I could do it again). 

I have a camera with which to take pictures of all my art (there are some on my cell phone but it's an old phone so I need better quality pics).  I could even ask a friend with a better camera to take pictures of my art! 

So how come I'm not doing it?

Obstacles!



- "Art is cool, and I'm not cool, so I can't do it, can't be immersed in that"  (residual stuff from being bullied in elementary school and having few friends/mostly ignored in high school in a small town, not very urban, diverse or creative)

- "Life is hard!   Being a grownup is harrrdddd you gotta work hard to earn anything" (my parents, not how they trained me exactly but vestiges of how they were raised)  I find this really disturbing to uncover these beliefs along the lines of, you have to suffer in order to earn love.

well eeks I have been painting for 20 years, there are emotional ups and downs thru it all, sometimes we have to stop when life gets in the way and it almost always does. We all have our own flavor that keeps us from doing what we are passionate about and making art is a passion for me but I always know I will never completely lose myself and I will always be able to paint however long that takes to get back there. I have learned a great deal from my BPDx and mainly the work that is needed for me to move forward. Paint anything. It's a start!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey eeks, Let me share some quotes from a great little book:

"You were built for freedom.  It's your primary nature.  It's how you were meant to be."

"The essence of freedom is free will.  It is the ability to choose for ourselves and to take action independently of outside forces. . . . It is the right to be fully who you are."

"Want a life you can feel good about?  Then make your life a journey toward authenticity-- a continual pursuit of personal truth."

"Pursue an increasingly genuine existence. . . . Shape your own destiny. . . . You are the artist, and your life is your masterpiece.  Design it exactly as you wish."

You get the idea.  Doing Art is part of this process, in my view.  Go for it!

LuckyJim

[eeks]

A small update, I've had 2 classes now, the first one was really anxiety-inducing, plus I was learning some techniques that did not feel natural to me at all. 

The second class, I reconnected with why I like doing art in the first place, I am pretty hopeless at meditation but for me drawing or painting can lead to a sort of a focused attention that serves a similar purpose.  I got back into a mode of paying attention to what I see that I'm drawing, the tactile sensations of the pencil on the page, "trying things out to see how they go".

[Panda39]

I am pretty hopeless at meditation but for me drawing or painting can lead to a sort of a focused attention that serves a similar purpose. 

I do this as well, I've always described it as being in "the now" or in the moment not worried about the past or what's going to happen in the future.  I am only focused on what I'm making in "the now" and my mind is clear.