It happened again: last night he said terrible things to me. This morning I left the house to get some space. He begged me not to go. He was crying. He tells me he will get help (he's undiagnosed), he knows if he continues to speak to me in this toxic way our relationship will be over, etc., etc... All that sounds pretty good, except I've heard it so many times. Almost three years of it now. It doesn't mean anything anymore.
This is the WORST part of being with someone with BPD, and I am SO SO TIRED of it, and I don't know how to change this pattern. (Other than leaving. Which really, really is becoming something I am looking at.) He says terrible things, or just nutty things that aren't remotely true and I don't even know how to address (can't validate the crazy) and then I am supposed to make him feel better after I've been verbally attacked. It happens every time he dysregulates, and I am so exhausted, hurt, discouraged, etc., it's all I can do to pull myself together for me, let alone be there for him.
Any ideas?
I feel like I may be coming to the end of this relationship. I really hope I'm not, but I'm starting to feel different. Less anger and hurt. More... .I don't know what the word is. Empty?
First of all thank you so much for posting this! I am struggling with similar things. In fact I was going to start a post tonight about forgiveness after suicide attempts (directed at you). I know I have so much to forgive my SO, including a suicide attempt where I was called a stupid little b after being shown a pile of pills for said suicide attempt, numerous dysregulations that end in painting me black, being told I'm resentful because I'm not forgiving fast enough and forgiveness is for my sake anyways. I would say if you have the strength to walk away then do it. I'm not at that point yet so I'm not walking away yet. I hope that someone here can help us both!
