Help me please?

[MistaNobody]

Hello I need some help and advice please. I have been with my partner for several years now, they have been dianosed with BPD and we both have children from previous marriages. And my parnter does not like or seem to want my children around and seems to resent my children as well but I really love and try to be very good to there children and to them as well. I try not to take things said personally but I am very sensitive and am hurt easily. We seem to be arguing more frequently lately usually about the same topics over and over. Such as my family not accepting them or there children and that I dont do enough to help out with things and that I dont really and truly love them. We both work often cause we have to, to try to make ends meet and I do the best I can with everything even though I do slip up occasionally and make mistakes but we are only human and no one is perfect. Sometimes I just feel damned if I do and damned if I dont. Most all of the time I put there feelings first and ignore my own because of fear of what they may do or say. Somedays things seem so wondeful  together and other days things seem so terribly awful like I just want give up and dissapear forever. Sorry im not trying to bable on just wanting and needing to get some of this off my chest. Thank you and I appreciate everyones time that took their own time to read this and I appreciate any feedback.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[UndauntedDad]

Welcome Mistanobody,

First of all, I don't think you're a nobody.  You came here, that's awesome!  No matter what happens from here, there's a lot of useful support and great information on these boards and pages.  If your partner has been diagnosed with BPD, I suspect you may find many familiar stories of people like you, and it's useful to see how things turned out for others in similar situations.  You are not alone.

To say that life with a BPD partner is up-and-down, turbulent, or confusing, is an understatement.  It can be extremely difficult even for trained therapists to deal with someone's BPD even once a week (and are you a trained therapist? I'm not) so to live with them can be, ahh, challenging to say the least.

The best thing that happened to me in my relationship was finding this website, and coming to these boards.  I needed to talk to people like me, and the links, books, videos, and tools were really helpful. For example, in my relationship, using the S.E.T. communication and general validation helped tone down our arguments a lot.  I read the Essential Family Guide to BPD, and that helped me HUGELY, eventually my wife read it too, so at least we can speak the same language. There's a ton of info here, it is sort of overwhelming.  For me, starting on the home pages and reading a few articles that seem relevant to whatever I'm feeling right then can help a lot.  Reading "real life" stories posted by other members helps a lot too.

I'm sorry it is so hard.  I didn't find the magic wand to make it all better.  But this site and the tools here helped a lot.

Good luck and keep reading and posting!

[MistaNobody]

Thanks UndauntedDad I really appreciate the kind words and the advice. I picked the name MrNobody just in case my wife is on this site or reads on here because I dont want her to be pissed off at me for talking about her or us to people. I know she researches all the time about BPD on various sites. I dont like confilct between us nor do I want to argue with her. There is no purpose in my opinion nor could or would I get anywhere with her when she is having an episode or as I like to call it her demon coming out. I am not a therapist but I just ordered her some books online to hopefully help us both to better deal with things when they arise. I will definitely keep an eye out on here for tips and help and to see other peoples stories on what they go through and how they cope or deal with this illness. I can honestly say that I love my wife so much that if I could take her BPD away and make it my own then I would do it in a heartbeat cause she means than much to me and I really hate to see her when she is feeling so sad, down and upset it bothers me to no end and makes me feel helpless and almost worthless. I dont really know or believe there is a cure for BPD or if there are really any medicine's that can really help with it or not... .?

[123Phoebe]

Hi MistaNobody, I want to join UndauntedDad in welcoming you to the boards

It's great that you're reaching out for support

Here are a couple of links I feel are very important to read when we first arrive here, they have sure helped me:

Supporting your BPD partner

The Do's and Don'ts for a BP relationship

I am not a therapist but I just ordered her some books online to hopefully help us both to better deal with things when they arise.

The first question that came to my mind was, has your partner asked you to order books to help her better deal with things?  A lot of what we do here is help ourselves to better deal.  To focus on ourselves, our reactions to things and to gain perspective.  It's a shift from placing the focus on our partners, to that of ourselves.  If your partner has not outright asked for these books, I might keep them under wraps to glean whatever information I could, for myself to have a better understanding of what the heck is going on. 

We are the other half of the relationship and hooray, we are not helpless   There is hope for better days to come

It's good to have you here!

[MistaNobody]

Thank you 123Pheobe I will definately read those very soon and cant wait to know somethings that will help out. And yes she found the books and was very intetested in them and I hope they will help too. I appreciate all the kindness and information.