Moving on

[stacma04]

So I've been NC for several months now, I changed my#, and email address. I didn't block him on FB because I just didn't see the need to. We broke up several times in the past, the last time I went NC for 7 months. We got back together but he ended up breaking it off again and going back to the OW who he is now engaged to. I think this last time around I just had enough and was just ready to move on with my life. I am now in a healthy relationship with someone. I'm sure at some point he will look at my FB and see my profile picture with me and my new relationship. Now that he's engaged to be married, and I'm in a relationship, should I stop worrying about the anxiety of him contacting me? ( he knows where I work, and can probably still send me emails from a different email address). I just feel that we've done the back and forth thing for so long that I just don't see him trying to reestablish contact. I mean he must can see clearly that I moved on.

Has anyone every experienced this? or have any thoughts on there ex who got engaged/married and tried to reestablish contact after. They just never seem to go away

[valet]

Hey stacma, I understand your anxieties here. That kind of nervousness is hard to shake—will he reach out, or won't he? You can't possibly know the answer to that question, so I can see why it would be troublesome to think about.

It sounds like you don't want him in your life, and that you're doing a good job moving on.

Remember, this is a process, but we can accelerate it by choosing our own path. Your feelings are totally valid. Try not to be afraid of them, if you can.

How do you think that you would react if he tried contacting you?

[stacma04]

Hey Valet,

I know for a fact I would not respond. There is no way I would jeopardize my relationship for him. I've given him way too many chances to end up back at square 1 with him. Besides he gave the OW what he knew I wanted most. And that was to marry him, so how do you come back from that?  No thank you Good riddance 

[StandingTall]

Has anyone had a BPD go no contact to you after breaking things off?

[stacma04]

Has anyone had a BPD go no contact to you after breaking things off?

If your asking, if my BPDEX went NC with me after breaking up, then the answer is yes... He's in NC right now. If he's looked at my FB then he must see that I've moved on, and he knows that ive seen his engagement. All seems to be well in his world. So I fully expect to not hear from him again.

[enlighten me]

Hi Stacma

I couldn't go NC as I have children. That said I did go LC and only discussed things relevant to the children or the divorce.

It can be a worry but I have reached a point where contact doesn't bother me. I have emotionally detached so if either of my exs contact me I do not panic and I do not get sucked back in.

Your happy with your new life and this is a good place to be. Only you can let him affect you if he does contact you.

I used to get worked up especially if one of my exs was having a go at me for something that they perceived as bad parenting. Now I just shrug it off and realise I cant help how they feel and as long as my children are happy, healthy and cared for then our differences in parenting technique are neither right or wrong they re just different.

[Pretty Woman]

Stac,

 If he's come back several times before, don't think an engagement or you being in a relationship will stop an attempt in the future.

If we could crawl into their brains we would have been able to fix them. You can't read his mind.

My last break up from my BPD ex resulted in me starting a new relationship with someone who stood by me through a lot of this. My ex couldn't find a replacement and came back... .and I left a perfectly good human being who treated me like GOLD for a jerk.

This time my replacement was secured. She has not contacted me in 4mo next week.

Does this mean she is happy? Eh. She is occupied. Will I likely hear from her? Yeah. Given her history she likely will reach out somehow, somewhere at some time.

But I know what will happen and I'm finally done with it.

Do I worry she will contact me? Yes. But I try to think about other things. We can't control their actions. Try to focus on the new relationship and deal with him when and if the time comes he shows up again.

PW

[valet]

Hey Valet,

I know for a fact I would not respond. There is no way I would jeopardize my relationship for him. I've given him way too many chances to end up back at square 1 with him. Besides he gave the OW what he knew I wanted most. And that was to marry him, so how do you come back from that?  No thank you Good riddance 

So, it sounds like you have a resolution and are committed to sticking to it. That is wonderful; as I see it, you've already done a lot of the emotional heavy lifting. Then, why the pain? Why the anxiety?

How do you soothe yourself when you have these anxious moments?

[stacma04]

Not really sure why I should have the anxiety of him making contact. You just never know what to expect. I guess all I can do at this point is just keep focusing on my relationship and not worry about him. Some how I can just feel that he's gone for good, so I should just try and relax and enjoy my life

[enlighten me]

I think for me the anxiety was linked to how helpless I felt in the relationship. I walked on eggshells and dare not open my mouth because everything I said was wrong.

I became less anxious when I realised it didn't matter what she said because I no longer had to put up with it. I could tell her to shut up or that she was talking rubbish or I could just laugh in her face at whatever ridiculous thing she said. I didn't have to find a happy solution to appease her.

It feels quite liberating when you accept this.