Once again my UBPD mother gets and F- in parenting

[zubizou87]

I don't know why I even bother to get upset anymore, sometimes I just laugh at how rediculous she can be and how many time she epic fails her job of being my mother.

So I've been doing some freelance work and I recently had an article published for a good magazine, it went online and I posted it to my facebook because I was proud of it.

I've noticed that my mum is ok about me having a job and money etc because somehow she can attatch herself to it but she gets really deep down jealous and hurt when I have success with creative things. It really seems to burn her, a few years ago I got a job reviewing books for a well known newspaper and the first time they sent the books to my mothers house because I was living at home. She was mad, couldn't talk to me or be in the same room as me for the rest of the day.

This time I had the article published and she obviously saw it or someone told her about it and she proceded to have a half hour conversation with me about all the bad stuff that is going on with her and basically anything except congratulating me, then after a while she just said 'ok I'm going to bed bye.'

I don't know what to say really except she sucks at her job, she's a terrible mother and gets an f- in my book, page one of the parenting manual is 'when your child succeeds support them' but not her, I swear she would be happier if I were a crack addled prostitute than a freelance writer with a steady full time job.

[Kwamina]

Hi zubizou87

Congratulations on having your article published, that's awesome!

It is quite unpleasant indeed how your mother behaves and seems unable to handle your successes.

Hearing her talk about her problems for half an hour (while not congratulating you), is a long time. Do you feel obliged to listen to her talk for so long? Are you comfortable setting and enforcing boundaries with your mother when it comes to this sort of behavior from her?

[Glenna]

Dear zubizou87,

It has helped me to read your post. I had never heard of anyone else doing this before.

I'm sorry for your pain at this hurt from your mother. I can identify and remember the empty and sad feeling I had when my mother did the same to me. When I was in my 20's I did drawings for a very prestigious newspaper. It was amazing for me. Over the few years that I did this, my mother acted as if it were nothing at all, or as if I weren't even doing it. Never complimented me, in fact never even mentioned it. Just once when I was drawing she said to me, 'I don't know why you work so hard on that.' I was shocked.

I am afraid it did rob me of some of the good feelings I should have had, feelings of accomplishment. I went around confused. Now I give myself a lot of credit for doing it, and for persisting at it for years, in spite of no recognition from her. I loved my mother and was always good to her so it was so odd for me that she did this.

It is good that you can share this and hopefully diffuse it somewhat. Writing is demanding, draining work and the last thing you need is negativity. I would say try to enjoy your success to the max inside your own mind and with anyone who will be happy with you. Don't let yourself be cheated of your own satisfaction with a job well done.

Glenna