Advice on leaving. NC
In my case, I knew that I was leaving a couple months before I actually did... .If I had it to do over again, I would have made more effort to get more of my stuff out of the house sooner. And I would have focused more on the things that are most precious to me.
My leaving was fraught with danger, because if she caught wind of it ahead of time I would have paid dearly for contemplating leaving... .And I had a hard time hauling much away because she was staying home because she was too drunk or hung over to go to work.
In the end, after a particularly nasty rage, I just went home, dropped off the car and the cell phone, grabbed a couple of things. Then I walked out the door and had a friend drive me away. I think that leaving the cell phone behind was important. If I could have changed eMail addresses I would have done that too.
In a do-over, I would gladly give up all my possessions in order to be free and go No Contact. I wish that I would have made that choice a long time ago.
In my case, we couldn't even talk about how to fix supper without triggering a rage. Why did I always hope that we could talk about more important things?