I left the house 3 months ago for the third time, been married less than 18 months, relationship for 4 years.
I feel like she trained me to always be in contact with her. If several hours went by and I didn't make contact with her, I could count on her to reach out. I am not exaggerating it was 99% consistent contact for 4 years.
After every breakup I could always count on her not going more than 4 days without some sort of contact, sometimes direct other times indirect.
But it didn't matter to me, every time I received that contact it was like a hit of heroin, it boosted my spirits for a few days and then the craving would come roaring back.
And even though I never hit the ball back over the net to her by responding, it didn't matter, because I got what I needed, and that was to know that she was still thinking of me.
But why in the heck would I even care if she was thinking of me after all she has done to me and put me through!
Here`s another thought, I really don`t miss HER per say, but it kills me to think she is out there being pursued by other men and loving it and I`m curled up in the corner(not literally) waiting for contact from her... .GOOD OR BAD... .sheeesh.
So now its been almost 3 weeks with NC by her and I`m hurting pretty bad. I was treating it like going through withdrawals, so I thought the worse of it would be over by now, not so much. I can`t get her out of my mind (with all due respect, please do not send suggestions on how not to think about her, I`ve tried them all, obviously to no avail
It`s amazing how I anticipate that reach out from her.
I know that I know that I know I will never go back, been there done that way too many times.
But man NC it is a really tough