Not sure where this belongs

[Marshmellow]

Hi''

I recently broke off a 6 month relationship with man, that started off wonderful. ( am the daughter of BPD mother with years of experience, and learning abt BPD)

and after the first month, I noticed him having a quick temper, over small & trivial incidences.

I didn't take personally, since it wasn't directed at me...

Soon after that, subtle critical remarks began. ( I also have adult ADD and depression)

Part of what he communicated was true, being I could be haphazard at times IE forgetting my phone etc but also being stunned, a little later with with " anger outburst" verbally, generally but not directed at me.

Three mos into it, with very fun times, interrupted with the Jeckyl Hyde personality emerged, going from one extreme to the other in minutes, followed by a quick apology.

Things started to come together... in my mind... my therapist ( for ADD) suggested off the bat after sharing my confused feelings... "this man doesn't sound or seem integrated... ." ... I started feeling confused... because we both got along well most if the time, him saying he wanted a committed relationship... and was good on the surface, cooking me gourmet meals, teaching me to fly fish.,etc... then suddenly going off the deep end, over something very trivial.I wondered if he liked me so, why make such issues over nothing?

Things would go smoothly, until he would get a certain idea in his head, ( distortion.  not reality abt me) and then that followed by a rage episode, blaming, idealizing to devaluing quickly back to idealizing... I felt like I was going crazy! 3 more mis of on and off., and I threw in the towel, asking him not to contact me, saying to him he was emotionally and verbally abusive, and I would tolerate his inappropriate behavior any longer.

He started to panic, apologized over and over... saying how sorry he was for being hurtful...

For a week, I didn't do much., felt drained... and depressed...

He has adhered to no contact... besides 1 Charm ... for 2 weeks.

This guy was married had 2 adult children... and seemed so normal and rational at first. I can't believe I fell into this trap. Just feeling down and could use a little support. Thanks for listening...

[enlighten me]

Hi Marshmellow

Welcome to the family.

Im sorry you have had to go through this.

I think the leaving board might be the place to start as there are many there like myself who have been though a similar relationship.

EM

[Turkish]

Hi Marshmellow,

My T also used the word dis-integrated to describe my Ex's behaviors. Also, compartmentalized. If you have a BPD mother (as do I), then it can be tough to be wisemnd about what constitutes a healthy r/s even if we know logically what does. Only in retrospect, the   are obvious.

What is your biggest struggle right now?

Turkish