she is driving me bonkers

[DestroyedKnight]

10 months removed (not through choice) udpwbd exgf of nearly 9 years who proclaimed to be my soulmate,love of my life,never wanted to lose me then BANG swept the rug from right under my feet.

Anyone have any experience of this? I was speaking with Enlightenme a few nights back and mentioning how I had received an apology from her by way of text message saying how things should have been different and at the end of the text convo she left a carrot dangling in front of my nose by replying to me saying "I love her" with "I can't respond to that,but you know the truth". I never really have been one to feed on scraps

So she has a new supply now,some people tell me he is a drug taker and likes to drink so nothing like me because I do neither.I am not responding to any of her baiting tactics in regards to my children and her making up random nonsense just to get me to reply back angry

I logged in to whatsapp this morning and she has posted yet another quote as her profile photo which reads

What's a soulmate?

it's like a best friend but more,it's the one person in the world who knows you better than anyone else.That someone who makes you a better person.No,actually they don't make you a better person,you do that yourself because they inspire you.A soulmate is someone you carry with you forever.It's the one person who knew you,accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would.And no matter what happens,you will always love them and nothing could ever change that.

hahahahahaha how 

supposedly in a relationship and she's doing this behind his back,god only knows what stuff she pulled while we were together . I am annoyed by this in fairness how she believes she can keep me dangling in the background

[Mutt]

Hi DestroyedKnight,

Anyone have any experience of this? I was speaking with Enlightenme a few nights back and mentioning how I had received an apology from her by way of text message saying how things should have been different and at the end of the text convo she left a carrot dangling in front of my nose by replying to me saying "I love her" with "I can't respond to that,but you know the truth". I never really have been one to feed on scraps

That sounds like projection "I love her" " I love you" and "I can't respond to that" "you can't respond to that"

That someone who makes you a better person.No,actually they don't make you a better person,you do that yourself because they inspire you.

I agree, I think that happiness starts with you, you have to be happy with yourself and happiness is not found in someone else, if you're not happy with yourself, you're not going to change because you're with someone different.

[DestroyedKnight]

Hi DestroyedKnight,

Anyone have any experience of this? I was speaking with Enlightenme a few nights back and mentioning how I had received an apology from her by way of text message saying how things should have been different and at the end of the text convo she left a carrot dangling in front of my nose by replying to me saying "I love her" with "I can't respond to that,but you know the truth". I never really have been one to feed on scraps

That sounds like projection "I love her" " I love you" and "I can't respond to that" "you can't respond to that"

That someone who makes you a better person.No,actually they don't make you a better person,you do that yourself because they inspire you.

My take on it was she is ashamed to even say she loves me back because of what she has done to me over the last year nearly so she just said "you know the truth".Obviously she thinks that I am going stick around as a backup in case the new love of her life does not work out,which I now know it won't (clock is ticking)

Yes I fully agree with the making yourself a better person and if she believes that then great,only trouble is she never loved/loves herself and no amount of love or telling her how beautiful she is,she never believed it.I told someone this last night at work and they said "ah yeah because she wants you to keep saying it over and over to make her feel good"

I have made myself a better person over the last 10 months and I have been looking at why I was so suckered into this relationship to begin with when there were so many red flags.I also love myself (not in a vein way ) but I don't think anybody with mental health issues could pierce my armour now 

I agree, I think that happiness starts with you, you have to be happy with yourself and happiness is not found in someone else, if you're not happy with yourself, you're not going to change because you're with someone different.

[Mutt]

Hi DestroyedKnight,

My take on it was she is ashamed to even say she loves me back because of what she has done to me over the last year nearly so she just said "you know the truth".Obviously she thinks that I am going stick around as a backup in case the new love of her life does not work out,which I now know it won't (clock is ticking)

Some experts say that BPD is a disorder of shame. Many of us would have to recall a memory from childhood from a parent or a school teacher to remember how that feels. Guilt is feeling like you did something wrong. Shame is feeling like there is something wrong with you.

I can relate with that. My ex tried to keep me at arms length after she left me and wanted to do things together although she was with a new man, she fears abandonment, imagined or real.

I also love myself (not in a vein way ) but I don't think anybody with mental health issues could pierce my armour now  

I don't think it's vein either, I think that we all have narcissism and that we need to look out and take care of ourselves, it's not healthy if we go on the extreme side of the scale. Some members and not all, can take the compassion that they displayed to their ex partners and turn that back on themselves with self compassion.

[DestroyedKnight]

Hi DestroyedKnight,

My take on it was she is ashamed to even say she loves me back because of what she has done to me over the last year nearly so she just said "you know the truth".Obviously she thinks that I am going stick around as a backup in case the new love of her life does not work out,which I now know it won't (clock is ticking)

Some experts say that BPD is a disorder of shame. Many of us would have to recall a memory from childhood from a parent or a school teacher to remember how that feels. Guilt is feeling like you did something wrong. Shame is feeling like there is something wrong with you.

I can relate with that. My ex tried to keep me at arms length after she left me and wanted to do things together although she was with a new man, she fears abandonment, imagined or real.

I also love myself (not in a vein way ) but I don't think anybody with mental health issues could pierce my armour now  

I don't think it's vein either, I think that we all have narcissism and that we need to look out and take care of ourselves, it's not healthy if we go on the extreme side of the scale. Some members and not all, can take the compassion that they displayed to their ex partners and turn that back on themselves with self compassion.

I honestly do believe it is a disorder of shame also.And from what I have learned is people suffering with this disorder have no idea they are doing these awful things (sometimes until it is too late). My ex had tears streaming down her face when I told her I forgive and her and she said she does not deserve it and then weeks later went back to playing sick twisted mind games and smear campaign.

As for compassion,I found the compassion for my ex and I even told her this during calmer times and she said I was condescending or patronising so there really is no winning with her. I just don't understand all this posting quotes about being my soulmate and saying she is sorry and how she should never have kicked me out but she is with someone else

[Palladio]

Yes Destroyed Knight, shame is a huge factor in our experiences with BPD people. My ex , who broke things off with me after six years, is a textbook example of shame based thinking. From an alcoholic dysfunctional family background. Sadly it turns into a multigenerational way of thinking. His parents behaved this way, he does, his children do and now his grandchildren do. When they rage over having you point this out, even in a nonthreatening way, there is practically nothing you can do to help. Case in point, today being my birthday, I received a text from him wishing me a happy birthday. With great self debate I replied two hours later thanking him for the sentiment but saying I thought it odd considering how angry and raging he was on our last day together, which was about seven weeks ago. His response was,"Forget it. I was trying to be nice. Guess that's not going to be possible." Shame so great that to even have it pointed out that he was rage filled , only adds to the shameful thinking. We can't change that for them. It is so an internal thing for that person to do for themselves.