I think it's me too... ~

[seang]

As time goes on, I’m healing from the r/s.  For sure, I’m coming out of the FOG.  I think I’m in acceptance/anger stage.  Maybe, moving to indifference.  But I’m also questioning again.  If I’m frankly, brutally, open and honest, I think I have some major issues too.  In fact, I tick a lot of boxes with hfBPD.  I know I’ve been here on the forum saying this before, but this time it’s like its sinking in that maybe I need to take a cold hard look at myself.

1.   I had a mother that didn’t show love, she was aggressive.

2.   I drink too much

3.   I smoke weed

4.   Whilst I’ve been relatively successful, I’ve left jobs, and walked away putting myself in unnecessary situations out of my feelings and beliefs, at that time

5.   I can lose my temper.  A lot rarer nowadays, but I can

6.   I can be selfish

7.   I’ve been in trouble with the law, although nothing majorly serious.

8.   I’ve got myself in situations I shouldn’t have through aggression

9.   I spend money like it doesn’t matter

10.   I don’t think about the future

11.   I take uncalculated risks

12.   At my age, I should have more, I feel I’ve squandered and lost a lot without real reason.


Don’t really know what I’m getting at, but I don’t like it.

[repititionqueen]

Hi Seang,

I definitely hear where you are coming from.

First of all, these relationships take a lot out of us and can lead to bad habits.

Second, there are reasons we got into these relationships in the first place and why we stayed as long as we did.

The fact that you can acknowledge all of this about yourself is the first step in self awareness and changing your life for the better.

Consider getting a therapist or just take things one step at a time. What's your biggest concern from the list below?

Do you want to curb your substance abuse? (I smoke weed & drink as well) but I've been working on not making it my nightly routine any more. Find other ways to relax. Look at what your triggers are or your justifications for relying on these things. Also, it uses up a lot of money.

Do you suffer from any underlying depression?

So much of what we do is based on routine, try to change yours and improve your life if you aren't happy with your current choices.

“If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.”

[eeks]

As time goes on, I’m healing from the r/s.  For sure, I’m coming out of the FOG.  I think I’m in acceptance/anger stage.  Maybe, moving to indifference.  But I’m also questioning again.  If I’m frankly, brutally, open and honest, I think I have some major issues too.  In fact, I tick a lot of boxes with hfBPD.  I know I’ve been here on the forum saying this before, but this time it’s like its sinking in that maybe I need to take a cold hard look at myself.

1.   I had a mother that didn’t show love, she was aggressive.

2.   I drink too much

3.   I smoke weed

4.   Whilst I’ve been relatively successful, I’ve left jobs, and walked away putting myself in unnecessary situations out of my feelings and beliefs, at that time

5.   I can lose my temper.  A lot rarer nowadays, but I can

6.   I can be selfish

7.   I’ve been in trouble with the law, although nothing majorly serious.

8.   I’ve got myself in situations I shouldn’t have through aggression

9.   I spend money like it doesn’t matter

10.   I don’t think about the future

11.   I take uncalculated risks

12.   At my age, I should have more, I feel I’ve squandered and lost a lot without real reason.


Don’t really know what I’m getting at, but I don’t like it.

Hi seang,

Welcome to the Personal Inventory board!     It sounds as though you have already done some significant self-awareness work.

Are you able to find compassion for yourself?  In the sense of knowing that, although you have identified some feelings and behaviours that are not working so well for you, and you'd like to change them, you know that you had some reason for doing them at the time?