Divorcing BPD Husband

[mm1024]

Hello! I am about 30 days away from being divorced from my BPD husband. He moved out of the house on court order a few weeks ago, and it has been so calm for my children and I (he is not their dad). He refuses to follow our court order. I am in therapy and have been able to detach. I saw him last week as he pulled up to a traffic light (he didnt see me), my entire body tensed up and I felt stressed. My therapisty said it is like PTSD. Has anyone had this same reaction. I was feeling like I was making so much progress, although I know I have a lot of healing and recovery.

[HappyNihilist]

I'm glad you and your children have been able to enjoy the weeks of peace and calm with him out of the house, mm1024.   

In what ways is your husband violating the court order? If I recall, he got violent not long ago. Are you concerned about your safety at all?

It's completely understandable that you would have such an intense reaction to seeing him unexpectedly. Disordered relationships are hard to detach and recover from. When there has been abuse, then PTSD symptoms are common.

Trauma bonds are difficult to sever. It takes time. Be patient with yourself. As long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will get there. You've obviously come a long way already. 

This article helped me understand why I was feeling the way I was, as I began detaching from my own disordered relationship -

Surviving a Breakup with Someone Suffering with BPD

Disengaging is hard. Whether you were together for a long time or the relationship was very intense, your dreams, values, and emotions are tied to the other person - that's normal. If you were have some codependent or narcissistic traits, or are insecure - then you are even more entwined. This is why it is hard to let go.

Hang in there, and keep posting.