Addicted

[Nuke]

I recently reignited my makeup/breakup relationship with my BPD sufferer (my diagnosis, not professional), and I'm afraid of leaving. I'm having paranoid thoughts that she is going to falsely accuse me of rape because she either hates me enough to lie or because in her distorted devaluations of me she actually believes it to be true... I'm afraid that she is going to start a new relationship immediately, which will kill me because I love her so much. We had big dreams at one point, but I couldn't handle the stress of our 100+ 'breakups', so I left her. That lasted about 5 months. We got back together for a couple of weeks. It was ON and we were talking about marriage before she abruptly dumped me. She had become a different person in those 5 months. It was like her identity was torn between the person she was with me and who she was with her friends. During that abrupt 'breakup' she slept with a guy and it killed me when I found out a month later after we got back together. I had looked through her phone and found the truth. Bad I know. I'm jealous of her because she is beautiful and has all the validation in the world from the opposite sex. She can numb her pain with empty sex easily.  I on the other hand am trying my best to live a Catholic life, and it is very hard to meet others with the same goals. She actually converted to Cathilocism from Islam while we were together. We were not good Catholics. Sex bound us together. I feel like her and I are in a life raft, and for me, there aren't any boats within sight. She on the other hand can fill her emptiness within hours. This sounds petty, but I'm trying to get help, so I'm doing my best to tell the cold hard truth. I only feel ok/normal/healthy/happy/non-empty in our very very very short lived good moments. The good moments come when she does something outrageous. I get mad and tell her to go. Then we make up and have a couple of hours of happiness.   This has been going on for over 2 years and it has hurt my performance in college greatly.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Nuke]

A little more history... .I once had to call the police because I was afraid she would harm herself. She had a BIG meltdown biggest ever, and a few days before I found cut marks on her arm that she inflicted because I refused to sleep in bed with her. She was in a super rage and I wanted her gone. She said she didn't trust herself alone. I didn't know what to do. Take the abuse, so she doesn't kill herself or call the cops. They came and talked to us both individually and decided to take her to the hospital to talk to a psych. I waited to see her at the hospital for hours. They finally let me see her, and I don't know what happened. She was lying there helpless and I felt sorry for her. I don't know. I was moved with compassion. I'm not sure, but we had a good moment then. Ha. This relationship has been a nightmare. Thinking of that night used to make my hands sweat, but not anymore. Maybe I'm improving. ha.

[waverider]

These relationships are indeed like an addiction and it is hard for us to sport out what is important and what isn't as everything is clouded with petty issues that get blown out of proportion.

It sounds to me that you are nowhere near stable enough in yourself emotionally to enable you to cope with a potential BPD relationship. It takes a very high degree of stability and sense of self, combined with an ability to accept things which at first would seem completely unreasonable.

Please work though the following to help you come to terms with what is involved being in BPD relationship

LESSONS

I think you really need to focus on your own emotional centering before you wil be able to deal with a relationship like this. She is unlikely to change in the near term, and in fact most likely to get worse.

Waverider

[Nuke]

Thank you for taking the time to write waverider. When I met her I was getting over an unwanted breakup and at an utter low. I was in the process of withdrawing from school, it was so bad. I'm definitely not in a good place and I haven't been in a while. I didn't know where to make my first post. Am I leaving or staying, I asked myself. Both equally it seems to me. I know the relationship is not sustainable, and ultimately, it will end. I'm going to repost in the leaving section. As of today we aren't talking. Withdrawals are soon to kick in. I'm getting counseling and psychiatric treatment for depression and I have been for the past few years in case you were wondering how I'm helping myself.