Rejection and coping

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Anyone have a BPD that never painted them white again? How did you cope with knowing they are (and continue to be) glad you are gone?

[Beach_Babe]

Anyone have a BPD that never painted them white again? How did you cope with knowing they are (and continue to be) glad you are gone?

[Corgicuddler95]

Tonight my ex sent me a series of ranty emails filled with accusations, paranoia, lies and insults.

Honestly I really realised how much I've dodged a bullet this week. There was once a girl I loved in there, they're gone now.

[hurting300]

Anyone have a BPD that never painted them white again? How did you cope with knowing they are (and continue to be) glad you are gone?

Well, you can't say never because your not dead yet. And beach babe... .Let me ask you, do you really want him back or is it his silent treatment that's triggering you? I know just how you feel. It's so painful and we normal people would do almost anything to make them talk again. But, honestly this is the best thing he could ever give you. One day you will see all the answers you need.

[Teereese]

Anyone have a BPD that never painted them white again? How did you cope with knowing they are (and continue to be) glad you are gone?

Honestly, I hope for this.

Let him find and follow through with treatment or latch onto someone else.

I am moving on, working on myself, focusing on living.

My ordeal is decades long. I am beyond ready to complete the mourning process.

[Gonzalo]

I don't know if my ex- has decided to paint me white, and I don't care anymore. I'm glad that she and her issues are no longer part of my life, and the part of me that cares about her hopes she's happy. There's nothing really to cope with for me, if she's glad I'm gone then maybe she has found a spot in life where she's happy, though I doubt it will last.

[hopealways]

They don't really think like NONs do. I don't believe their thought process is "Im glad they're gone" it's more of a "I have a new supply let me milk them as much as I can before they abandon me because they all will".

[cyclistIII]

They don't really think like NONs do. I don't believe their thought process is "Im glad they're gone" it's more of a "I have a new supply let me milk them as much as I can before they abandon me because they all will".

Okay, that just broke my heart. Wow. Mostly because I can relate so much to that sentiment, which is I think why I have fallen for at least 2 pwBPD (if not more; I'm now wondering about some additional people who I dated more briefly... .)

In response to the original question: I think for me in the beginning the absolute hardest thing was not knowing. In the long-term it really doesn't matter, but in the short-term it's different to process and recover from "this person doesn't actually love me" versus "this person loves me but got scared/triggered and ran away," and that made it harder because the narrative and what I believed kept shifting in my brain so I'd start to accept one scenario and then freak out and think wait, no, that's not even what really happened, and then I'd be back at square one... .ahhhh! So hard!

I have no advice, just saying I feel ya.

Now I'm at a place where my brain hopes he never comes back but my heart hasn't caught up yet and still hopes he will (I'm at 9 weeks since he broke up with me and 7 weeks since he abruptly cut off all contact while gaslighting me so... .)

[myself]

To our pwBPD, we flip back and forth from black to white more times then we'll ever know or hear about. The rejection, like the intimacy, isn't consistent. This is a push and pull system of being out of control while trying to have control. Perhaps not many of our exes are very glad about it, being more hurt and ashamed of their patterns and reactions? Coping in disordered ways. It's rejection we all face, for sure. Of the actual relationship, and the dreams of the r/s. We get turned away from, by someone many of us would not have chosen to let go of otherwise (rejecting them as well). How we cope with that is to believe in ourselves. Keep becoming who we're supposed to be. Do whatever we've been stumbling over better when we can. Let ourselves off the hook for what could've been.

[Beach_Babe]

Tonight my ex sent me a series of ranty emails filled with accusations, paranoia, lies and insults.

Honestly I really realised how much I've dodged a bullet this week. There was once a girl I loved in there, they're gone now.

I feel the same!  That pretty much describes the last 6months to a year before the discard.

How many Corgis do you have?       I am a dachshund lover myself.

hurting:     No, I do not want a relationship back. I sure do miss the friendship though. NC was never my choice. I guess it is his however, and I must respect that... .It makes me very sad, however, that my sins are unforgivable.

Teereese:  That is a good way of looking at it?  How often does yours bother you?

Gonzolo:  I hope I can one day feel the same, not "care" anymore. Good for you!  Are you still in contact?

hopealways:  Very true. Everyone dumps my ex eventually (or distances themselves); he wonders why. He calls it "meanness" I call it karma.

cyclistIII: 

I think for me in the beginning the absolute hardest thing was not knowing. In the long-term it really doesn't matter, but in the short-term it's different to process and recover from "this person doesn't actually love me" versus "this person loves me but got scared/triggered and ran away,"

Yeah, the hardest part was "not knowing" for me too. But the  most painful, now that I have my answer, is knowing he does not love me and feels they eliminated a toxin from their life by discarding me. I am so sorry you are going through the same    Do you think yours will contact you again?  I believe mine is done.

myself:  I agree completely. I loved mine, and never would have left. I am sad he chose to leave me, and not look back. To begin his life anew. How long does this grieving process take?  I want it to end already. Why mourn someone who didn't mourn me?