Broke NC AND we had sex. Oh man

[hollycat]

I woke up Saturday morning with a plan for errands before heading to my parttime retail job. Been separated from BpdH since June 29th. I pass through my kitchen and out of one of the windows, see the back of his head in my yard. Oh crap! What is he doing here? By the time I get dressed and hurry outside, he has finished getting his stuff from the garage. Upon seeing me, he tells me he brought several boxes of my stuff (from South Carolina). I start going through my stuff, we talk, we argue. I am not feeling threatened, and every time he opens his mouth, I am feeling better and better about being separated. However, I am thoughtful. I offer him water. No, he tells me, you would poison it. I offer him a shower. Same response. I offer to wash his clothes. This sparks a rant of how he hasn't washed clothes in 3 weeks because his property in SC has broken water pipes (again, my fault, according to him). I actually feel a little sorry for him. He was careful with my things and many fragile items arrived unbroken. He looks so hot and dirty. Finally, he caves in and comes inside the house. I wash his clothes. He won't shower, but he allows me to wipe him down. One thing leads to another. The chemistry is undeniable but he gets so mean when he is mad. I had to go to work. My heart just broke for him. We now live about 12 hours apart. He looked so exhausted, so sad, so tortured. I told him he could spend the night and he did. When he left the next day, I was sad but also glad to see him leave. I realize I treasure my peace and my space and am exhausted still with the circular thinking and the mental gymnastics. As I turned away to get in my own car to go to work, he said: Love you. He said it first. oh man. what have i done?

[Mutt]

I realize I treasure my peace and my space and am exhausted still with the circular thinking and the mental gymnastics. As I turned away to get in my own car to go to work, he said: Love you. He said it first. oh man. what have i done?

Hi hollycat,

Don't be hard on yourself. You have been married since Aug 2013 and you're recently separated. I can understand how things would lead from one thing to another.

Maybe it happened for a reason? You see how you like a less chaotic life without the arguments and how exhausting everything was?

[hollycat]

Yes, we were married August 2013. We had been together since practically our first date in August 2012.

[Lucky Jim]

When he left the next day, I was sad but also glad to see him leave. I realize I treasure my peace and my space and am exhausted still with the circular thinking and the mental gymnastics.

Hey hollycat, Agree w/Mutt: don't beat yourself up.  Maybe you could take some time to listen to your gut feelings and figure out what you want to see happen.  You seem confused (above), with mixed emotions.  It's your call so suggest you work on figuring out the right path for you.

LuckyJim