3 years NC and then a wacky reminder

[nolisan]

Tomorrow is 3 years since the final rupture - it was swift and final. Super painful but it was the best for both of us.

The two of us were in 12 step recovery. Thats where we met. Rarely a good place to find a mate (broken plus broken does not equal fixed). She had 20+ years ... .I had 3. Looking back I was 13th stepped.

But here's the wackiness (actually it's kinda predicable).

A solid female friend knew her slightly and called me up. A woman friend of hers, also in recovery, just started a love relationship with ... .guess who. Yep! (the ex is bi).

Some interesting feeling for me. Sure glad I have 3 years of NC detachment. No jealousy / replacement angst. I'm proud of that - time and some deep personal inventory work does work. BPD Family, therapists and ACoA/CoDA saved my life.

Some sadness and pity for the ex - she's still repeating past behavior patterns. And sadness for the new lover. She has no idea how deep this mud puddle is (more like a massive black hole). And sadness for her ex hubi that I replaced and who she ran back to when I kicked her out. Poor fella - had his guts ripped out twice. Hope he's done and getting help.

BPD ... .the gift that keeps on giving. I now see that being in a r/s with a BPD is virtually identical to living with an active alcoholic. They are like a tornado roaring through other peoples lives. Detaching with love is the best solution.

I have told my friend that I do not want to hear news of the pending trainwreck. The new lover has to find her way through herself. The ex was my greatest teacher in understanding and loving myself. It's interesting how this popped up around the anniverary - God has quite the sense of humor and TIMING.

Noles

[cyclistIII]

So inspired by your positive attitude about everything -- you seem to be doing great.

":)etaching with love" is a great phrase.

Also very smart to avoid hearing about the new relationship -- kudos to you!

[nolisan]

Just coming back for an update:

My dear ex's new relationship didn't work out. I didn't ask for any details.

When I heard I felt genuine sadness for her - our r/s lasted almost a year, this one not even a month. Seems she is still looking for love but can't make it work. Poor woman.

I still love her ... .at a distance with no contact. She and the r/s changed me for the better. Thank you my dear and may you find love and peace in your life.

Noles