It has been an intense ride with D with BPD

[Marie-Louise]

Hi there,

I have not posted here in such a long time. My daughter attempted suicide 3 times. She was diagnosed with BPD the first attempt. We were very fortunate that the hospital she was in had a program for BPD. She has learn tremendously. It does not take away the struggles that she experiences day by day like: not over spend, not over book or not over drink alcohol. Things become intense often. Tonight she is performing in a professional adult play. She does not like the play so this makes it stressful to just go through the motion.

I have joined a group called NAMI in my area. This group is to support all family members that have a mental illness. They meet once a month. On the other week, I joined the Al-anon. This helps me to vent and be herd in a safe environment. My husband and I are in a 12 weeks course dealing specifically with BPD. Two couple lead the group and we are 12 people taking the course. This has been an eye opener to see we are not the worst scenario possible with BPD. It is great to be with people that have experienced the exact same pain and chaos as us.

When I joined this board I was very scarred of my lack of knowledge on BPD and the seriousness of the turmoil of my D. I have learned to not give into the chaos and to use the tools given to me like validation and Mindfulness. I guess I prefer the face to face approach rather then waiting for people to respond to this post. I guess the phone for me means more then texting... .maybe it is just my generation.

I have to say that you were a great support to me back when my nerves were at its worst. I am very grateful to all of you who took the time to respond. So much chaos in the world of BPD and it takes self discipline to not give into it. I am much better with it but I do slip once in a while. Just two days ago I started a conversation on a subject that my D and I do not agree on. My husband kind of gave me the look meaning... .do not go there and change the subject. My D does not have the same values as me anymore and at times it is hard to let that one go. I will love her no matter what but sometimes her choices make me upset. I am sure you know what I mean.

Thank you again for your support. I talk about this board to whoever needs it. You guys are precious.

I am sure if I asked how many people on this board got rescued with this board I would get a lot of responses.

Marie-Louise 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Thanks for the update Marie Louise!

You sound so much stronger and I am glad that you are getting face to face support. 

Is the 12 week program the Family to Family Program by the NEA BPD?  They can be difficult to find and invaluable when you do find them and can attend.

I understand the values concern, I'm often mystified where my daughter gets her values from though at her core she is a kind, generous, and loving girl.

lbj

[Marie-Louise]

Hi lbj,

The course is Family connection for BPD. It is a couple in this area that started this course since 2004.

They run the course twice a year with volunteers that took the course. I am very grateful for the support. I still need to go through the process of using the tools and establishing boundaries. It is the same process as the tools and lessons you offer on this board. Another proof that this approach works.

My D is talented, intelligent and very loving. She is her worst enemy with her self loathing. She hired a personal trainer for her fitness (way beyond her budget). I know it is to get fit and love herself better.

She is fixated on getting a boyfriend. I hope the guy she ends up with is someone who will be a good catch if you know what I mean. She is strong physically but weak emotionally. It is sad to watch her be impacted by people's opinion. Her coach is very independent and he does not follow the crowds. Hopefully he will be a good influence on her.

Marie-Louise