Could his ridiculous dislike of my working be related to his attachment issues?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My working in a career was a HUGE issue with BpdH.  He has accused me over and over of being abusive and neglectful just because I work. I like teaching. He seems unable to understand just because I enjoy teaching, doesn't take away from him. He just doesn't get it.  Is this an attachment issue?

Feedback?

Seems I am just able to start making sense of his demands and actions.

[hollycat]

My working in a career was a HUGE issue with BpdH.  He has accused me over and over of being abusive and neglectful just because I work. I like teaching. He seems unable to understand just because I enjoy teaching, doesn't take away from him. He just doesn't get it.  Is this an attachment issue?

Feedback?

Seems I am just able to start making sense of his demands and actions.

[Mutt]

He has accused me over and over of being abusive and neglectful just because I work.

Hi hollycat,

Its hard to say. Can you tell us a little more about your BPDh? A pwBPD have a dependency on others for their needs and things that they really should be taking care of themselves. I'm speculating here, he said neglectful, maybe it was dependency?

[hollycat]

He actually did depend on me for his needs, as you said. Like just this past Saturday, during the surprise visit to me, he refused to shower, but he wanted me to wipe him down with a washcloth and baking soda. He won't use soap. He stood in the hall like a child and held his arms out so I could clean him.

A huge issue in our relationship was his dislike of me going to work. Control? Attachment? I was accused of "trading time for money" and I should, according to him, have spent my time working on a best selling ebook or developing a million dollar business idea.  If i could THINK Of a million dollar business idea, I would certainly be doing it. Of course, he is not coming up with any such idea, but excorciating me because I am not either. Certainly unreasonable thinking. He wanted money to flow into our household so I wouldn't have to leave him.

[emergent]

Hi hollycat,

I don't really have an answer as to whether or not this is BPD-typical, but I can tell you I have had the same reaction to me working from my exBPDw. It didn't begin until after having kids, when I wanted to go back to work. We'd moved, I'd changed career paths, and there were the kids, so I went back at 2 hours a week to begin with, and that was inconceivable for exBPDw! I stayed at a very part-time level for a long time, without understanding, until I decided it wasn't up to her anymore. I'm now exactly where I want to be work-wise. We're not yet divorced, still living together (not by choice on either side), and work gives me an out as well as being rewarding.

It seems like you are finished with this relationship and just looking to understand the past. In any case, I wish you the best.