Bf with BPD

[Alexithymia93]

I just finished reading "Get me out of here" by Rachel Reiland and I believe my bf has BPD. Of the 9 characteristics listed in the DSM on BPD, he has 7 of them. He has been in therapy for over a year, both talk therapy and recently started EMDR. None of his therapists have ever diagnosed him with anything. I'm afraid this illness is taking a toll on our relationship and if we don't get help, we will both end up alone. What should I do?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

It is a bit of an eye opener when we first realize there is a name for what has been going on, we have all been there.

Here is a good place to start the process of getting your head around it. The folks here really understand, you probably feel quite alone and isolated at the moment.

You both have your parts to play in this, and to an extent your recovery paths will be independent. The odds are you have a  degree of enmeshment and codependency issues, being in a BPD relationship creates this.

Your first task is to relearn how to be an independent you, this removes a lot of the toxic reactiveness that is most likely happening.

First step is to stop making things worse. This will give you the breather your require

Lots of good info for you here

[unicorn2014]

I just finished reading "Get me out of here" by Rachel Reiland and I believe my bf has BPD. Of the 9 characteristics listed in the DSM on BPD, he has 7 of them. He has been in therapy for over a year, both talk therapy and recently started EMDR. None of his therapists have ever diagnosed him with anything. I'm afraid this illness is taking a toll on our relationship and if we don't get help, we will both end up alone. What should I do?

Hi Alexi and welcome!   I am curious, if he started EMDR may I ask what for? Traditionally that is used to treat PTSD. You said he has never been diagnosed with anything. May I ask why he is in therapy?

It is possible for you to get help and start improving the relationship, and your health, whether or not he does. A good place to start would be learning more about the disorder. Can you list which traits you believes he has? A r/s with a pwBPD or BPD traits is not easy.