too hard

[emergent]

I am leaving BPDw, and she hates me more than she's ever hated me before. I'm stuck in this house with her, and our poor kids are stuck with us both, until certain procedures are over. No, there is no way I can get out right now.

There are days when I can talk to her, albeit in short question-answer form. But there are, mostly, other days like today, when talking is not an option. I don't mean talking as in telling her about my feelings or exchanging on profound subjects. I mean saying hello. Saying goodnight. Saying how was your day?

I can't do anything right. Worse, no matter what I do, it's very very wrong. I feel like the scum of the earth. I spent last weekend at a retreat on empathy and compassion, something I practise with all my heart as much as I possibly can. I returned here (not "home" to hell afterward, and these tools I have amassed are worthless.

Communication breakdown, 100%. It is hard to get information about things she's planned for the kids. Impossible to tell her about things I've planned, since they're all not ok with her and she reacts violently. Never physically, but she takes stabs at me verbally. The full-blown attacks seem to be diminishing, but maybe that's because we talk so very seldom, now.

I don't know how I'm going to get through this. It could last 6 more months, or another year. All I can think of is how damaged my children are and how damaged they are going to be.  :'(

[enlighten me]

Hi Emergent

Im sorry you are going through this. I can sympathise with how hard it is to still be living under the same roof as your ex and the strain it puts onto your children.

It is difficult to communicate with our exs especially when in a stressful situation.

It may be worthwhile reading the lessons on communication.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69272.0