4 years later and I'm still here...

[borderlyme]

Hi everyone -

It's been a while... .where to begin?

Things with my family have been getting really stressful lately so I logged on here which I haven't done in years - just read through some old posts I wrote here and don't even know how to feel.

I guess I was on here a lot 4 years ago - I was very sick with Lyme disease, had been pretty sick since I was a child, was living with my parents because of the lack of funds for anything else - my mother most likely has BPD and my father is something along the lines of a sociopath... .

The posts I read were all about how everyone here was very strongly suggesting that I move out however necessary - even if it meant a homeless shelter. I didn't, because even though my mother was causing me an enormous amount of stress which had such a deleterious effect on my health, she was paying for my treatment when I had no income.

... .A couple years ago I FINALLY started to recover my health after a loong battle. I was able to date and met someone who I'm still with to this day and I was well enough to interview for jobs - then long story short on the day of yet another interview I had to have an emergency surgery - it didn't go well, I relapsed with the lyme and whatever else, couldn't afford ANY treatment... .it's been a whirlwind but I won't get into that as this is already super long.

About 6 months after that whole devastating ordeal I got into a big fight with my mom (she attacked me for hearing me crying about how they won't give me any of the money they just got from the government - $300,000 for a buyout on their house in a flood zone - I asked them to downsize their house like normal people their age might or at least NOT UPGRADE IT but they refused to help me out - she heard me crying for months on end all night - ended up flipping out at me one day) ... .I basically ran away from home at 25 years old, moved in with my boyfriend... .didn't speak to my family for a long time... .then started acting out the drama with my family with my boyfriend to some extent... .so our relationship has also been rocky... .

With my being on disability my boyfriend and I had to move into a pretty crappy apartment - turns out it was full of mold, it made me very sick - yet another health setback, and out of desperation and out of having forgotten that my parents are a nightmare, we decided to move in with my parents in their new house (an hour away from everything we know) and pay very low rent (nice of them to charge their disabled daughter rent... .) to save up for a house since putting all his money into rent in crappy places was never going to get us where we'd like to be... .

It's been about 9 months here. Things slowly built to worse and now I'm working with an energy healer (not sure what to call her) and a naturopath who happens to also be shaman (lucky me) and really diving deep into the core issues I have with my family that are so profoundly affecting my health (never fully realized the extent) and now that I'm finally letting the trauma and the pain surface it's making it so incredibly painful being here.

And reading through old posts I wrote here... .I can't believe I decided to move back in!

There are still no right or wrong choices - we're essentially always choosing between being able to support ourselves and my well-being... .which is rough.

I'm STILL trying to make it work - healing while living with my family who causes me daily stress to my core... .still trying to convince myself that it's possible... .and maybe it is... .I will say I have gotten stronger and healthier but it's still pretty up and down... .

... .anyway, I'm back here because I could really use a supportive place to process some of this and hopefully finally come out the other side healthy, happy and independent.

[Kwamina]

Hi borderlyme

You haven't been here for quite some time indeed, welcome back  The circumstances that have led you to return here are quite unpleasant, but I am glad you are reaching out for support.

Living with disordered parents can be very challenging indeed, especially when you also have health issues to deal with.

Do your parents in any way acknowledge that there might be something wrong with their behavior, particularly the way they treat you? Have they perhaps ever gotten any kind of treatment or therapy for their issues?

It's unfortunate that you now find yourself living with your parents again. It (for now) is what it is though. Since you are there living with them it might help to take a look at some resources here that can help you protect and preserve your own well-being.

Do you feel comfortable setting and enforcing/defending boundaries with your parents? I've selected some resources that I think you might find helpful:

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits

BOUNDARIES: Examples of boundaries

Assert yourself: D.E.A.R.M.A.N. technique

Take care