Before I write anything, I hope Skip/Mutt will let me post this, or at least move it to where they see necessary.
I came across a fantastic piece of literature, which explains how people are seen as objects and why they will do what ever it takes to be our perfect partners, it will answer a lot of whys? And will also fill in the blanks, I really had to post this because it has really helped me a lot, and I hope to help others along the way.
www.acat.me.uk/reformulation.php?issue_id=18&article_id=155