I very recently came out of short-term r/s (5 months) dating a Waif. Unfortunately this was my second BPD r/s. You can read about how Waif behaviours blinded me in this post:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=283942.msg12678562#msg12678562My recent ex cut things off extremely suddenly, telling me she 'needs to be alone/work stuff out'. Despite asking if there was anyone else, multiple times, and her telling me to my face that there wasn't, just this week I receive a text from her saying she's been catching up with her ex.
According to her and others, her ex is a crazy BPD diagnosed with psychotic jealousy, treated her in appalling ways and did some very illegal and sick things including trying to have a relationship with a minor. I do not know what to really believe, as her stories are probably just Waif victim statements designed to seek sympathy from me.
I also ran into her ex and had a conversation with her: she told me they hadn't broken up until 6 months after the date my ex had told me - according to her ex, they were still actually in a relationship when my ex started seeing me, that she had very very bad BPD which included multiple suicide threats and lies, and that my ex had been emailing her hundreds of times, turning up on her doorstep and that they had slept together whilst we were still together.
I don't know who to believe in all this and really, it doesn't matter. I am just glad to be off that crazy merry go round.
I sent my ex a blast of an email, but made sure to include statements in it she had told me about illegal things her ex had done, so if she went to the police about my email, the police would have to investigate the statements in it.
I told her I had caught up with her ex and told her what a lying arsewipe she was. In response I got very childlike comments which is so typical of them.
I told her never to contact me again, or to approach me in any situation otherwise I would call the police immediately. Following that, she tried to ring, sent two texts and then an email.
I hope by sending her the email that I have well and truly burned the bridge, and that she does not ever contact me again. I didn't love her - there was something that subconsciously kept my foot on the brake in this whilst we were going out. I was of course upset about how suddently she ended things, but once I realised I got burnt by another BPD, it helped alot with getting over it. Unlike my last relationship where I tried to rationalise and make sense of the all the awful behaviours BPD do, and suffered alot of pain, I quickly realised BPD was the answer again here, and it has helped me move on very quickly. As you all probably know, much of the pain in these endings come from us tormenting ourselves and trying to make sense about why they did the things they did, when there is no sense or logic because the answer is simply BPD - that they are disordered people and do what they do because of their emotional pain and no other reason.
One of the things I noticed about my ex was her very strong desire for 'privacy' about her 'private business' saying this is a small town and we all have to work and socialize together. Of course I now realise this is usual waif behaviour, and that her desire for 'privacy' is really so people won't realise what she has done/is doing. I told her that whilst I won't speak about private matters that she has told me, I will tell people my story in how she has treated me because that is things she did to me, and not her private business.
We share two mutual friends who can see what has been happening from my side, and I hope they keep the potential smear campaign in check.
None of her friends (except our mutual friends) know about her returning to her crazy ex - she is keeping it very secret and quiet and will continue to do so because her friends all despise the crazy ex. This just demonstrates that those with BPD cannot have a normal, stable, loving relationship because there is not enough drama or abuse in it for them.
