Finally have an answer, lack energy to deal with it

[Peacekpr3332]

Hi,

Finally after all these years, it makes sense that everything i see here, and I mean everything, matches my sister's behavior.  We've always been close and I always just 'took' her anger and mood swings. I'm really tired of it now and one of the reasons is being I'm a single mom with a handicap son and have enough of a load myself. Our elderly mom just fell and needs knee surgery and possible hip surgery down the road a little ways.

Ever since my uBPD sister(not sure of all the acronyms) lost her job in 2010 I've been trying to help her, she wanted advice all the time(I really think someone to dump on). She cried all the time.

She lost everything and then moved in with my older sister (normal) for awhile. that didn't work well. She moved in with my mom, that didn't go good either.

She came back to VA where I live and is working with my handicap son getting paid by medicaid. It was ok at first, but it's getting old. 

My son wants to be with me mostly and is getting tired of her working with him. I need to cut back the hours, but she needs the money because her other job isn't enough. 

She is very angry at me.

I'm tired of carrying her 'life load'.  I need to focus on my handicap son and what is best for him.  I hate feeling responsible for my sister.

Beyond these stresses are the typically mood swings, rage, not texting me or lying about something,talking bad about my other family members.

She so badly wants to move in with me - handle the responsibilities - because she is always talking about how well others live together; she'll give examples. I'll just say 'hum' or that's really nice of that family or person. Only a couple of occasions will she get angry and ask why do I hate her , she'll then go into an argument.

There is soo much more :'(, but it don't want to overload this intro.

Just knowing I can come here and talk or see that I'm not alone helps!

[Kwamina]

Hi Peacekpr3332

Thanks for introducing yourself to our online community.

I too have an undiagnosed BPD sister and know how difficult and frustrating this can be. You have a son with a handicap which means you already have a lot of responsibilities so I understand why you are finding it hard also having to deal with your sister. Your own well-being and that of your son is indeed something to be very mindful of.

The fact that your mom needs surgery means that you currently have even more on your plate. I hope your mom will be alright

How was your relationship with your sister when you were younger? Were you perhaps also made to feel responsible for her back then?

We have an article here about fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) that I suggest you take a look at:

... .fear, obligation or guilt ("FOG" are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled.  Understanding these dynamics are useful to anyone trying to extricate themselves from the controlling behavior by another person and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others.

Would you say that your sister uses fear, obligation and guilt to make you feel responsible for her? You can read the entire article here:

Fear, Obligation And Guilt: How We Allow Loved Ones To Control Us

[Peacekpr3332]

I read the article. I think I will eventually do those things but I'm just so tired of dealing with it right now.

IOW I don't want to right now