Hi Peacekpr3332

Thanks for introducing yourself to our online community.
I too have an undiagnosed BPD sister and know how difficult and frustrating this can be. You have a son with a handicap which means you already have a lot of responsibilities so I understand why you are finding it hard also having to deal with your sister. Your own well-being and that of your son is indeed something to be very mindful of.
The fact that your mom needs surgery means that you currently have even more on your plate. I hope your mom will be alright
How was your relationship with your sister when you were younger? Were you perhaps also made to feel responsible for her back then?
We have an article here about fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) that I suggest you take a look at:
... .fear, obligation or guilt ("FOG" are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled. Understanding these dynamics are useful to anyone trying to extricate themselves from the controlling behavior by another person and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others.
Would you say that your sister uses fear, obligation and guilt to make you feel responsible for her? You can read the entire article here:
Fear, Obligation And Guilt: How We Allow Loved Ones To Control Us