six months after last incident, still rattled...

[.cup.car]

Everything solved itself in late April. My ex tried starting a fight on Facebook and the policed chewed out both her and her dad.

Since then, I've:

- reconnected with old friends

- made new friends

- improved my relationship with my parents

- celebrated 2 years at my current job

- started a successful website

- embarrased several large companies with said website

- drove a race car

- saved a ton of money

- lost my old phone that had all of her obsesive texts

- people who had wronged me apologized to me

Sounds great, right?

Nope. Still bombarded with memories of her  About once a week I feel suicidal. It feels as if everything happened a week ago. I don't know how to tell my parents or counselor about this.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey cup.car, From my perspective, it seems like you are going through the normal withdrawal symptoms from a BPD r/s.  It's like an addiction that you know is bad for you but can't quit.  Why not discuss your feelings with a counselor?  Chances are, he/she is familiar w/BPD.  There's no magic timetable for recovery and everyone goes at his/her own pace.  Suggest you try to be patient and take good care of yourself (something we usually neglect in a BPD r/s).

LuckyJim

[myself]

No matter how much we change, part of us will still relate to (and hang onto) who we 'used to be'. Some of that we can learn to accept, and it helps us grow forward. Some of it keeps us stuck, and we could use some help moving past it. If this is a serious enough issue for you (feeling suicidal so often may be showing that it is), then yes do talk with a therapist if you feel the need to, or friends/family you trust. Don't go it alone. It definitely sounds like part of grieving, which as Lucky Jim said will follow its own timetable. This stuff is deep, and can affect us in various ways. (I'm a couple years out, and have been having many intense dreams about her again. Still processing... .) Keep focusing on the 'newer' positives of your life.

[Mutt]

Hi .cup.car,

I'm sorry to hear that. I can relate with feeling SI after the break-up, I was beside myself with how much pain I felt from a break-up with a pwBPD.

What are struggling with telling your parents or counselor that you have feelings of SI or telling them how you feel in general?

[mrwigand]

Everything solved itself in late April. My ex tried starting a fight on Facebook and the policed chewed out both her and her dad.

Since then, I've:

- reconnected with old friends

- made new friends

- improved my relationship with my parents

- celebrated 2 years at my current job

- started a successful website

- embarrased several large companies with said website

- drove a race car

- saved a ton of money

- lost my old phone that had all of her obsesive texts

- people who had wronged me apologized to me

Sounds great, right?

Nope. Still bombarded with memories of her  About once a week I feel suicidal. It feels as if everything happened a week ago. I don't know how to tell my parents or counselor about this.

Look, I'll just tell you that it's more than six months since I broke up with my dBPDexgf (more like 8 or 9 !) and I still feel quite emotional about it at times. I have great friends, family, and a job that I love, but I still get emotionally shaken and feel that withdrawal, confusion, and even the longing to go back sometimes. It's okay. The healing process isn't linear as they say.

But I agree with what others are saying. Talk about this to your counselor! Talk to a friend! Talk on here! But please don't hurt yourself!

[Herodias]

I feel the same way... .I was doing great until I realized my husbands gf is pregnant! It stirred it all up again! Neither of them are divorced. I am so sickens by the whole thing. I can't wait to be divorced. I can't believe I have to find out about this all through FB and no one had the curtesy to let me know. I am disgusted by people in general at this point.

[.cup.car]

Thank you for the kind words of support. I really had no idea it would take this long, maybe even longer, to recover. I mean, the last court date was 10 months ago, and everything seemed to sort itself out with the incident in April. It's almost November now, I thought the nightmares and flashbacks would be long gone.

Some days I'm hit with memories of being in court or talking to the police about her, other times I'm remembering stuff clear as day from like five years ago when we first met. It's super frustrating, all this progress in other aspects of my life, and I'm still waking up at 6am on a Sunday because "hey, remember how much fun it was to cuddle with her? remember her dad threatening you on Facebook out of the blue on behalf of her? remember how terrifying it was in court when her parents started making up lies about you? maybe she's right, you should just suffocate yourself like she suggested."

I'd prefer if all of that stopped. I get along really well with my counselor and I've got an appointment tomorrow, I just find it a bit embarrassing to still be this bothered by her after all this time has passed.

[Mutt]

.cup.car,

When we're feeling depressed, depression distorts our thoughts and it conjures up every bad memory. Depression is treatable with the help of a MD. Here's an article on depression by Dr Joe Carver.

Depression: Stop Being Tortured by Your Own Thoughts

[Lucky Jim]

I just find it a bit embarrassing to still be this bothered by her after all this time has passed.

Hey cup.car, You are, of course, entitled to your feelings, but from my view there is no need for embarrassment.  Everyone recovers at his/her own pace.  I suggest you let go of the timetable.

LuckyJim

[cloudten]

Thank you for the kind words of support. I really had no idea it would take this long, maybe even longer, to recover. I mean, the last court date was 10 months ago, and everything seemed to sort itself out with the incident in April. It's almost November now, I thought the nightmares and flashbacks would be long gone.

Some days I'm hit with memories of being in court or talking to the police about her, other times I'm remembering stuff clear as day from like five years ago when we first met. It's super frustrating, all this progress in other aspects of my life, and I'm still waking up at 6am on a Sunday because "hey, remember how much fun it was to cuddle with her? remember her dad threatening you on Facebook out of the blue on behalf of her? remember how terrifying it was in court when her parents started making up lies about you? maybe she's right, you should just suffocate yourself like she suggested."

I'd prefer if all of that stopped. I get along really well with my counselor and I've got an appointment tomorrow, I just find it a bit embarrassing to still be this bothered by her after all this time has passed.

You aren't alone- I'm right there with you, except I still have to face court and the lies that are going to be told about me on Monday. I don't know how I will survive it. I believe I am a highly ethical person... .and I will not enjoy being torn apart one bit.

Please be easy on yourself... .it is simply going to take time. we're here for you.

No you, shouldn't suffocate yourself... .then she wins. are you willing to let her win?