Decline in Physical Appearance

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Former friend BPD used to be very put together.  Even when wearing a hoodie and a pair of jeans, she looked nice.  But recently, she's let herself go.  She's gained weight, has unkempt hair, and just looks rough, in general.  Her ex-boyfriend noted that this really started near the end of their relationship.  However, she just started a new one, and she still looks bad.

Is this common BPD behavior?  When she was visiting her mom in April and was cutting again, she went a few days without taking a shower, but then she cleaned herself up, put on makeup, and went shopping.  She came back home and actually started to lose weight, started wearing cute dresses when the weather got warm, and showered every day.  This has basically been about three months of this behavior. 

[SummerStorm]

Former friend BPD used to be very put together.  Even when wearing a hoodie and a pair of jeans, she looked nice.  But recently, she's let herself go.  She's gained weight, has unkempt hair, and just looks rough, in general.  Her ex-boyfriend noted that this really started near the end of their relationship.  However, she just started a new one, and she still looks bad.

Is this common BPD behavior?  When she was visiting her mom in April and was cutting again, she went a few days without taking a shower, but then she cleaned herself up, put on makeup, and went shopping.  She came back home and actually started to lose weight, started wearing cute dresses when the weather got warm, and showered every day.  This has basically been about three months of this behavior. 

[problemsolver]

I think it comes down to she was probably just alright in the first place... as you began to fall in love her rating in your eyes would of sky rocketed along with attraction etc etc... basically your desire for her sky rocketed making her seem more desirable then she actually is ... the push pull also becomes a big factor... you begin to want something you can't have... that's just my opinion though.

[SummerStorm]

I think it comes down to she was probably just alright in the first place... as you began to fall in love her rating in your eyes would of sky rocketed along with attraction etc etc... basically your desire for her sky rocketed making her seem more desirable then she actually is ... the push pull also becomes a big factor... you begin to want something you can't have... that's just my opinion though.

No, this is more than that.  If you look at a picture of her from early July and compare it to now, it's like two different people.  I've shown her most recent pic to two people who knew her, and they were shocked.

[myself]

SummerStorm, hi, more than how she's doing I'm wondering what you would say a photograph of you looks like today? It's great that you're working through this, trying to understand as much as you can. A lot of the focus is on her, though, when perhaps it would be better suited to turn it toward yourself? Who do you see when looking at you? What's good, what needs changing, etc. (Sorry if this takes the thread off topic, it's meant in the spirit of support. Someone asked me something similar and it helped.)

[SummerStorm]

SummerStorm, hi, more than how she's doing I'm wondering what you would say a photograph of you looks like today? It's great that you're working through this, trying to understand as much as you can. A lot of the focus is on her, though, when perhaps it would be better suited to turn it toward yourself? Who do you see when looking at you? What's good, what needs changing, etc. (Sorry if this takes the thread off topic, it's meant in the spirit of support. Someone asked me something similar and it helped.)

I look the same as always.  Actually, I just posted a goofy pic on Facebook of me in the stocks at the Ren Faire. 

More than anything, I'm trying to get a feel for whether this is common behavior or not.  At this point, I really am preparing for the worst.  This isn't far off from how she acted prior to her last suicide attempt, back in June. 

And from what she's told me about her past, this is very much how she was prior to her first suicide attempt.

[Hopeful83]

SummerStorm, hi, more than how she's doing I'm wondering what you would say a photograph of you looks like today? It's great that you're working through this, trying to understand as much as you can. A lot of the focus is on her, though, when perhaps it would be better suited to turn it toward yourself? Who do you see when looking at you? What's good, what needs changing, etc. (Sorry if this takes the thread off topic, it's meant in the spirit of support. Someone asked me something similar and it helped.)

I look the same as always.  Actually, I just posted a goofy pic on Facebook of me in the stocks at the Ren Faire. 

More than anything, I'm trying to get a feel for whether this is common behavior or not.  At this point, I really am preparing for the worst.  This isn't far off from how she acted prior to her last suicide attempt, back in June. 

And from what she's told me about her past, this is very much how she was prior to her first suicide attempt.

I noticed the same with my ex, although I now refuse to look at anything related to him. However, an ill advised friend of mine sent me a photo of him and his new fiancee about a month or so back and I also thought the same thing - he looks SO different. Rough, even. He's got this massive grin on his face which looks fake, his hair is all dishevelled and he doesn't look well. But, you know, he's engaged so what do I know?

I do wonder whether this is a theme, or whether our exes are just happen to be looking bad right now.

[problemsolver]

SummerStorm, hi, more than how she's doing I'm wondering what you would say a photograph of you looks like today? It's great that you're working through this, trying to understand as much as you can. A lot of the focus is on her, though, when perhaps it would be better suited to turn it toward yourself? Who do you see when looking at you? What's good, what needs changing, etc. (Sorry if this takes the thread off topic, it's meant in the spirit of support. Someone asked me something similar and it helped.)

I look the same as always.  Actually, I just posted a goofy pic on Facebook of me in the stocks at the Ren Faire.  

More than anything, I'm trying to get a feel for whether this is common behavior or not.  At this point, I really am preparing for the worst.  This isn't far off from how she acted prior to her last suicide attempt, back in June.  

And from what she's told me about her past, this is very much how she was prior to her first suicide attempt.

I noticed the same with my ex, although I now refuse to look at anything related to him. However, an ill advised friend of mine sent me a photo of him and his new fiancee about a month or so back and I also thought the same thing - he looks SO different. Rough, even. He's got this massive grin on his face which looks fake, his hair is all dishevelled and he doesn't look well. But, you know, he's engaged so what do I know?

I do wonder whether this is a theme, or whether our exes are just happen to be looking bad right now.

I'm not sure if your partners have bi polar as well... but many people with BPD or Bi Polar have insomnia in a sense... my BPDex always had a hard time going to sleep... .sometimes as late as 4 am ... .then needing to wake up at an early hour such as 8 or so ... .that will wear a person down... add work and or school/ working out on top of an already poor work schedule ... .but like I said in the first post I believe it also has to do with your attraction for her dropping slightly ... .when your idolized you probably found her more attractive

[SummerStorm]

SummerStorm, hi, more than how she's doing I'm wondering what you would say a photograph of you looks like today? It's great that you're working through this, trying to understand as much as you can. A lot of the focus is on her, though, when perhaps it would be better suited to turn it toward yourself? Who do you see when looking at you? What's good, what needs changing, etc. (Sorry if this takes the thread off topic, it's meant in the spirit of support. Someone asked me something similar and it helped.)

I look the same as always.  Actually, I just posted a goofy pic on Facebook of me in the stocks at the Ren Faire.  

More than anything, I'm trying to get a feel for whether this is common behavior or not.  At this point, I really am preparing for the worst.  This isn't far off from how she acted prior to her last suicide attempt, back in June.  

And from what she's told me about her past, this is very much how she was prior to her first suicide attempt.

I noticed the same with my ex, although I now refuse to look at anything related to him. However, an ill advised friend of mine sent me a photo of him and his new fiancee about a month or so back and I also thought the same thing - he looks SO different. Rough, even. He's got this massive grin on his face which looks fake, his hair is all dishevelled and he doesn't look well. But, you know, he's engaged so what do I know?

I do wonder whether this is a theme, or whether our exes are just happen to be looking bad right now.

I'm not sure if your partners have bi polar as well... but many people with BPD or Bi Polar have insomnia in a sense... my BPDex always had a hard time going to sleep... .sometimes as late as 4 am ... .then needing to wake up at an early hour such as 8 or so ... .that will wear a person down... add work and or school/ working out on top of an already poor work schedule ... .but like I said in the first post I believe it also has to do with your attraction for her dropping slightly ... .when your idolized you probably found her more attractive

She does have insomnia.  Student teaching is awful.  It's incredibly long hours, on top of having to also go to one or two classes.  I remember that I gained weight and hardly got any sleep when I was student teaching.  But when she was student teaching, she looked great.  When she was subbing and had to lesson plan and grade papers all the time, she looked great.  Now, all she's doing is working at a gas station.

I do get what you're saying about the idealization stage.  However, if I had never met her before and then saw two pictures of her, one from earlier this year and one from a few days ago, I would definitely say that she is very attractive in the one from earlier in the year.