I'm tired

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been on a crazy roller coaster ride for a couple of years, maybe longer.  Things really got bad when I tied the knot.  I met the person I wed, the day after, wow!

Looking back, I see the flags that kept going up but I didn't see them for what they were.  I should have run after the first event:  We had gone on an overnight trip but something went wrong and I decided to go back home.  As we are traveling, she is angry and yelling but I am clueless as to what I did to cause this, she unbuckles her seat belt and tries to open the door, we are traveling on the Interstate at 70 mph+.  I grabbed the seat belt and held tight and she starts hitting me as I slow down. She finally calmed down enough to buckle herself up and then it was the silent treatment until we get home.

That was maybe 2 years ago!  I should have escaped.  But I was in love.  I was so into this wonderful beautiful woman.  I kept thinking that if I tried harder and kept her happy she wouldn't get mad.  I thought she had anger issues from her past relationship. 

But things never got better, I thought we would resolve issues but there was always something else that would come up.  She'd get angry and run me off then she would call me and ask that I come back. 

I have told her she needs counseling or something.  But she refuses to get help.  I told her that I felt like I am walking on eggshells to keep the peace.  I would google 'anger management' and would read up on that.  Then I searched for 'walking on eggshells' and learned about BPD.  I read about others that were having the same issues with their loved ones!  I wasn't crazy!  It wasn't me!  Just knowing this has helped me so much.  I have been seeing a therapist and have confided in my brother and a co-worker.  That really helps!

I have been reading the posts on these boards and learning for quite a while, so I finally decided to start posting; to get concerns off my chest believing that it will reduce my anxiety. 

[twitchy]

I have been on a crazy roller coaster ride for a couple of years, maybe longer.  Things really got bad when I tied the knot.  I met the person I wed, the day after, wow!

Looking back, I see the flags that kept going up but I didn't see them for what they were.  I should have run after the first event:  We had gone on an overnight trip but something went wrong and I decided to go back home.  As we are traveling, she is angry and yelling but I am clueless as to what I did to cause this, she unbuckles her seat belt and tries to open the door, we are traveling on the Interstate at 70 mph+.  I grabbed the seat belt and held tight and she starts hitting me as I slow down. She finally calmed down enough to buckle herself up and then it was the silent treatment until we get home.

That was maybe 2 years ago!  I should have escaped.  But I was in love.  I was so into this wonderful beautiful woman.  I kept thinking that if I tried harder and kept her happy she wouldn't get mad.  I thought she had anger issues from her past relationship. 

But things never got better, I thought we would resolve issues but there was always something else that would come up.  She'd get angry and run me off then she would call me and ask that I come back. 

I have told her she needs counseling or something.  But she refuses to get help.  I told her that I felt like I am walking on eggshells to keep the peace.  I would google 'anger management' and would read up on that.  Then I searched for 'walking on eggshells' and learned about BPD.  I read about others that were having the same issues with their loved ones!  I wasn't crazy!  It wasn't me!  Just knowing this has helped me so much.  I have been seeing a therapist and have confided in my brother and a co-worker.  That really helps!

I have been reading the posts on these boards and learning for quite a while, so I finally decided to start posting; to get concerns off my chest believing that it will reduce my anxiety. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[walbsy7]

Hey twitchy,

I feel for you, I am in the same exact boat. We met, 7 months later after my family and her didnt see eye to eye we were engaged, then 1 week after she was pregnant, than 3 months after that we were married, and now married for 1.5 years. Things have been progressively worse, essentially since we got wed. She tells me she got pregnant on purpose, that gets to me alot. My son is the best thing in this entire world aside from my wife, but hearing that is so hard. I dont know whether to believe her or not, she talks so much, half is true half isnt, as you know. I am a new poster here also, just trying to get myself some advice/help as well, or at a minimum at least vent somewhere so I am not bottled up. I hope you get whatever you need, and be patient!

[twitchy]

Thanks walbsy7, I will.

[globalnomad]

Hi Twitchy. It's amazing how many of us have such similar stories. Like you I have been on a rollercoaster ride. I also saw some big red flags early, but was infatuated and ignored my instinct. When I finally realized what was going on and considering leaving her, I found out she was pregnant. So here I am, with a child on the way, still riding the rollercoaster. Anyway, welcome! Hopefully this place brings all of us some sanity.

[twitchy]

Thanks globalnomad, reading the posts and lessons has helped me to feel better and feel good about myself.

I am looking forward to further growth by talking things over.

Wow, congrats! I wish you the best.

[Daniell85]

hi Twitchy 

What is going on with things lately for you? Has something come up that we can help you with?

I was wondering what else you might be doing to handle the stress. Do you have recreational things you like to do?

How does your son seem to be doing in all of this?

[Vindi]

hi twitchy, you are so not alone... .red flags, huh, i saw them within the first few months... .and 10 years later we are still together... .happy? NOT... .I guess trying to make peace and not get him upset, sad thing is it is so hard to get out of once you are in, it seems so hard to get out of. And yes, i am tired too, tired of the same excuses, tired of the same words, tired of "nothing changing for the better!"

Yes, i think we all have a rollercoaster ride, in some way shape or form and it is so good to know we are not alone... .and posting here helps soo soo much!