NPD or BPD?

[MyEyesrOpen]

Hi everyone

I have been posting this past week under the subject "final straw"

I thought I would start a new subject because I'm confused.

My ex has not been diagnosed... I 100% believe he has some mental disorders such as BPD... But lately I'm seeing more of NPD and know I've now been in narsisisstic abuse for 3.5 years.

What is the difference really? He has extreme traits of both? Both have damaged me beyond words and you all, I feel, are the only people who understand what I'm going through. I'm so thankful for this site.

Side note...  I'm at a girls weekend away ( just got here last night) he knows yesterday I would be arriving and yesterday was the day he deleted me on fb after a month of NC. Wow. How am I still surprised and shocked at his cold heart. He wants to punish me right? It's working. I couldn't sleep I feel he wants to ruin my weekend... Or am I reading too much into it now? I feel like I'm going crazy. Constantly second guessing myself

[hurting300]

Did you go no contact or did he? And did it upset you that he deleted you off facebook?

[Mutt]

Hi MyEyesrOpen,



We're not professionals, only a professional can diagnose a person with a personality disorder. We can look at traits of the borderline personality type and often there is co-morbidity, the person may have more than one personality disorder from cluster B or cluster A. What type of behaviors does he display that makes you feel like he is more NPD than BPD? We have article on the differences between BPD and NPD.

DIFFERENCES|COMORBIDITY: Borderline and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Do you think that maybe he deleted you because of splitting? Have you witnessed him splitting friends or family members black?

BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting

[MyEyesrOpen]

We got into an argument he accused me of not loving him... .Posted that in "final straw" subject... And the next day I guess we both went NC almost 4 weeks ago.

It stabbed me in the heart when he deleted me. It wasn't just a deletion... He made a new account on Facebook back in July to prove to me he was trying to change. This account was for friends and family only... Not to add or message new potential women or old flings like his other account. The deal was he was going to delete old account ( all the trash is in that one) and start this new one as a changed man. Well... He not only deleted me, he deleted that whole account. I guess hes not changing ... .So back to his original account where all his exs (ALL MEANING PLENTY) are there waiting as his sitting ducks and narsisisstic supply.

[MyEyesrOpen]

Hi mutt

Thank you for replying

Yes he does split. He does this to me every 3 months on average (for the past 3 yrs) this last time was the longest he went... 5 months. He is extreme, I could say the wrong word and he will cut me off for months at a time. I've walked on eggshells for years. Afraid to speak because literally over 1 word he was gone. Leaving me to not understand what happened.

He has shown traits of both. He will love me like crazy with all his attention then drop me over night. Wants to rush, get married have a baby... , so fast has tricked me and tried to get me pregnant. He will usually drop me around holidays and birthdays. Stiffing me the day of my bday ( also Valentine's Day)

He feels he is always right never wrong, very controlling also very charming and childlike. I busted him buying Coke a month ago and I believe he has some sex addiction on some level.

He loves attention from women he can't go without

He is cold in his actions. I would actually go as far as say he's a cold blooded soul murderer. I don't believe he's sitting there "planning his attacks" although he is very calculated. I believe it's how his mind just works... .No empathy. Only for his own self.

What do you think?

Thank you for the articles I'll read the today

[Mutt]

MyEyesrOpen,

I can see how that would hurt when we get deleted off of social media

Yes he does split. He does this to me every 3 months on average (for the past 3 yrs) this last time was the longest he went... 5 months.

A similarity with a pwBPD and pwNPD is dichotomous thinking or black and white thinking, a distinct characteristic between a pwBPD and pwNPD is a pwBPD fear abandonment, a pwNPD fear losing importance or specialness. When the relationship breaks, a pwBPD may attack and blame and a pwNPD may have a narcissistic injury or wound and display anger or rage.

[MyEyesrOpen]

MyEyesrOpen,

I can see how that would hurt when we get deleted off of social media

Yes he does split. He does this to me every 3 months on average (for the past 3 yrs) this last time was the longest he went... 5 months.

A similarity with a pwBPD and pwNPD is dichotomous thinking or black and white thinking, a distinct characteristic between a pwBPD and pwNPD is a pwBPD fear abandonment, a pwNPD fear losing importance or specialness. When the relationship breaks, a pwBPD may attack and blame and a pwNPD may have a narcissistic injury or wound and display anger or rage.

Thanks Mutt,

I guess i get confused because the two can overlay each other so easily. When a relationship breaks... .can they both (pwBPD and pwNPD) display anger and rage but in different ways? And for different reasons? Ex. a pwBPD fears abandonment so can they not also feel "wounded" or "unimportant" as a pwNPD feels and act out in similar ways?

Ugh... i just wish i could know exactly what he has... .im no doctor but I KNOW he is disordered.

[Mutt]

MyEyesrOpen,

I can relate with the confusion with personality disorders. We're not doctors and cannot diagnose, we can look at personality disorder traits. BPD often has concurring Axis 2 and Axis 1 personality disorders. For example my ex wife is not diagnosed or getting treatment and she displays borderline traits and narcissistic traits; co-morbidity.

But lately I'm seeing more of NPD and know I've now been in narsisisstic abuse for 3.5 years.

can they both (pwBPD and pwNPD) display anger and rage but in different ways?

I can relate with how painful and wounded we feel with a relationship break-up with a partner that displays traits of a personality disorder. I think that your question may be, are relationship break-ups harder when it's a pwBPD or a pwNPD?

[MyEyesrOpen]

MyEyesrOpen,

I can relate with the confusion with personality disorders. We're not doctors and cannot diagnose, we can look at personality disorder traits. BPD often has concurring Axis 2 and Axis 1 personality disorders. For example my ex wife is not diagnosed or getting treatment and she displays borderline traits and narcissistic traits; co-morbidity.

But lately I'm seeing more of NPD and know I've now been in narsisisstic abuse for 3.5 years.

can they both (pwBPD and pwNPD) display anger and rage but in different ways?

I can relate with how painful and wounded we feel with a relationship break-up with a partner that displays traits of a personality disorder. I think that your question may be, are relationship break-ups harder when it's a pwBPD or a pwNPD?

Yes that definitely crosses my mind. I think, what would i rather him be if i HAD to choose and i would have to choose BPD because the thought of all our time together and it meaning absolutely nothing to him as a NPD breaks me even more  

[Mutt]

MyEyesrOpen,

I can relate with the confusion with personality disorders. We're not doctors and cannot diagnose, we can look at personality disorder traits. BPD often has concurring Axis 2 and Axis 1 personality disorders. For example my ex wife is not diagnosed or getting treatment and she displays borderline traits and narcissistic traits; co-morbidity.

But lately I'm seeing more of NPD and know I've now been in narsisisstic abuse for 3.5 years.

can they both (pwBPD and pwNPD) display anger and rage but in different ways?

I can relate with how painful and wounded we feel with a relationship break-up with a partner that displays traits of a personality disorder. I think that your question may be, are relationship break-ups harder when it's a pwBPD or a pwNPD?

Yes that definitely crosses my mind. I think, what would i rather him be if i HAD to choose and i would have to choose BPD because the thought of all our time together and it meaning absolutely nothing to him as a NPD breaks me even more  

MyEyesrOpen,

I understand