finally ready to let her go

[McGahee21]

after almost three years of lying, cheating, and smears, etc etc. i think its finally time to move on.  those here have recommended nc and i think i will try this... .

the last two times she has reached out the past week i have simply said nice to hear from you but im busy and for her to keep in touch.

as much as a i care for her, and even if she actually changed, i realize i can never trust her. and thats why it can never work... .

tomorrow is day 1.

any advice is appreciated. and what to expect?  this woman 6 months ago spread all over facebook that i raped her last time i left... . 

i dont think it will be that bad now but im hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.  i hope she has a good life but i have to look out for myself now.

[McGahee21]

this will be very hard, but i have to do it and leave her in my past.  i did buy her a new car and i pay for everything. so i did give that to her.  shes homeless sometimes so at least i know she has a place to sleep. she has a drug problem... .


keep me in your thoughts, i truly loved this girl... .

[Freeatlast_1]

Well good luck, I started NC 1 month ago, and it's not easy. Just a few days before the breakup we were out of town and she was the best gf anyone can have, so patient, unconditionally loving and sweet. I love this women with all my heart and soul. Never loved anyone like this, and I HATE this feeling. A week later she snaps into a different zone, the monster zone, not sure what the trigger was because it's usually something stupid... .I don't even remember it. Now we are NC for 4 weeks and it's the worst feeling I am sick in the stomach all the time. I work a lot and love my job, I work out, have a supportive family and hobbies. I am not a hermit nor will ever be, but this is making me feel so isolated. I don't want to be with family or friends, I seem to want to stay alone. Why am I punishing myself? Is this normal? I want to support her through therapy, and with all the love I got for her, maybe there is hope... .but Im NC and will not contact her. What a sickening feeling... .I feel stuck when I'm actually free.

[McGahee21]

Well good luck, I started NC 1 month ago, and it's not easy. Just a few days before the breakup we were out of town and she was the best gf anyone can have, so patient, unconditionally loving and sweet. I love this women with all my heart and soul. Never loved anyone like this, and I HATE this feeling. A week later she snaps into a different zone, the monster zone, not sure what the trigger was because it's usually something stupid... .I don't even remember it. Now we are NC for 4 weeks and it's the worst feeling I am sick in the stomach all the time. I work a lot and love my job, I work out, have a supportive family and hobbies. I am not a hermit nor will ever be, but this is making me feel so isolated. I don't want to be with family or friends, I seem to want to stay alone. Why am I punishing myself? Is this normal? I want to support her through therapy, and with all the love I got for her, maybe there is hope... .but Im NC and will not contact her. What a sickening feeling... .I feel stuck when I'm actually free.

has she tried to contact you during this past month?  how have you dealt with it, did you change your #?  best wishes.  its hard when you really love someone but cant help them... .

[Freeatlast_1]

Yes she contacted me once telling me she hasn't forgot about the $ I lend her and that she will pay me back in a few wks. The call lasted 45 sec or so... .we had a quick calm conversation. She said "thanks for being there for me... " I said " no problem" ... .etc.

She probably moved on quick. I know her... .she cannot be alone... .she is a true BPD and possibly NPD mix in there too. I researched both disorders and she qualifies for both... .

Anyways, the irony is that I love her a lot. No it's not 'addiction' or hormones or endorphins etc, or love of 'being in love' or 'the sex' or any other common reasons... .It's been a month, physical addiction should not be an issue. I actually love how innocent and pure she is when she isn't a monster. That side of her is just amazing, very sweet! poor child she was abused and developed NPD/BPD because of clear reasons. I felt very victimized when she's in monster mode, it wasn't fair and I didn't deserve the verbal and emotional torture. It's over now, and I miss her and I wish I didn't miss her or love her.

[hurting300]

Ok first off, I'm really hating the fact you're going thru this with her. You are in a very legally dangerous place with this woman if she is saying you raped her. You need to run. Run! Now, if you haven't done so already, the best thing you can do is send her a text or email explaining why you think it's best to not speak anymore. If you ghost her or disappear she will become angry. And honestly could you blame her? You need to soften the blow as much as possible.

[McGahee21]

Ok first off, I'm really hating the fact you're going thru this with her. You are in a very legally dangerous place with this woman if she is saying you raped her. You need to run. Run! Now, if you haven't done so already, the best thing you can do is send her a text or email explaining why you think it's best to not speak anymore. If you ghost her or disappear she will become angry. And honestly could you blame her? You need to soften the blow as much as possible.

what is a good way of leaving that wont piss her off? I dont think she has any feelings for me at this point as i was just money and emotional support to her. This is a woman that literally tried to or did sleep with all my friends... .Ie im sure you can imagine my social circle now and all my personal info i shared with her everyone knows... .

[McGahee21]

Ok first off, I'm really hating the fact you're going thru this with her. You are in a very legally dangerous place with this woman if she is saying you raped her. You need to run. Run! Now, if you haven't done so already, the best thing you can do is send her a text or email explaining why you think it's best to not speak anymore. If you ghost her or disappear she will become angry. And honestly could you blame her? You need to soften the blow as much as possible.

although i did care for her i am somewhat worried shes not BPD and in reality is a psychopath. She rented from a friend of mine for a month. He said she literally never slept and would b beating the walls all throughout the night . she was by herself... .So ya

[Mutt]

although i did care for her i am somewhat worried shes not BPD and in reality is a psychopath.

Hi McGahee21,

Borderline Personality Disorder psychopatology is primarily an impulse or affective emotional dysregulation disorder. Hatzitaskos et al. (1997) found that persons with BPD had more introverted hostility. Antisocial personality is usually marked by actions-oriented defenses and, as empashised by Livesley et. al. (1989) a cold, interpersonally exploitative way of relating to others. John G Gunderson, MD Paul S links, MD, FRCPC - 2nd ed. p56

the last two times she has reached out the past week i have simply said nice to hear from you but im busy and for her to keep in touch.

Joe Carver PHD and the detachment with a pwBPD recommends to act boring, share less feelings and opinions, act disinterested. You suggest that she keeps in touch. How would you change your response?

Leaving A Partner with Borderline Personality

[hurting300]

Ok first off, I'm really hating the fact you're going thru this with her. You are in a very legally dangerous place with this woman if she is saying you raped her. You need to run. Run! Now, if you haven't done so already, the best thing you can do is send her a text or email explaining why you think it's best to not speak anymore. If you ghost her or disappear she will become angry. And honestly could you blame her? You need to soften the blow as much as possible.

although i did care for her i am somewhat worried shes not BPD and in reality is a psychopath. She rented from a friend of mine for a month. He said she literally never slept and would b beating the walls all throughout the night . she was by herself... .So ya

Hey I know exactly how you feel. Either way will make her mad. But the adult thing to do with less drama is to let her know. Do it safely though.

[Beach_Babe]

She rented from a friend of mine for a month. He said she literally never slept and would b beating the walls all throughout the night . she was by herself... .So ya

Mine was evicted after a horse was found  in his bedroom.  (no, serious). He went to the psych ward after.

[AsGoodAsItGets]

You could always write what you may do to let her go on her, well help you follow through it.