"It's so easy to trick a therapist"

[MSNYC]

It's one of the things he said to me during our first few months together. (I know, red flag in hindsight.) He was talking about, in general, how it was easy to get his therapist to see things a certain way (i.e. he deflected his drug use in front of his therapist, etc). But in general, I am wondering about mental health professionals' ability to diagnose personality disorders. Some, it seems, are really good at handling BPD and others perhaps really exacerbate it! My ex has been treating his "depression and anxiety" for years with the help of his therapist, and in fact I think his therapist "validated" his feelings of victimhood that were completely unfounded!

I know this is true not only for folks with BPD - where the therapeutic relationship becomes coddling and enabling. Some people need to have their BS called, not having their imagined victimhood coddled.

It's not to indict therapists, of course. I'm just saying with something like BPD - I spent over a year with the dude before it manifest itself, and his ex wife had a decade with him (not sure when or how it surfaced with her), and he's had long term friendships and he's got kids... .I think only really really intimate folks get exposed to the ugly side of this stuff sometimes, especially with high functioning people.

Thoughts?

[Invictus01]

That's the reason quiet a number of therapist don't want anything to do with personality disordered individuals. That is why it really takes a long time for a therapist to diadnoae a PD. That is why vast majority of personality disordered individuals never submit for an evaluation.

[Beacher]

Boy does this sound familiar. My husband is diagnosed with depression and anxiety. He is also a great mastermind of looking completely the victim, burned by everyone in his life, extremely engaging and thoughtful. But after 3 years of the same therapist how can she not see through it and recognize BPD? We saw one of his earlier therapists together and when I mentioned the rages and name calling her jaw dropped and he became extremely angry.  I sometimes wonder if he is just such a gold mine for her ( she will sometimes see him several times a week) she ignores it. He desperately needs help but she doesn't seem to suggest it.

[zundertowz]

My ex used to txt and email with her therapist every time we would get in a fight, she said she would also forward her our txt and email conversations, is this normal practice?  :)o you think she was lying about it?  It's the main reason I never went with her to counseling.  She had this therapist wrapped around her finger.

[thisagain]

I had the same experience with the therapist validating my ex's feelings of victimhood. The night of the discard, I had a long phone conversation with the therapist (because I had to call 911 on my ex) and learned that the therapist generally recognizes the disorder. But she's in WAY over her head on how to treat it.

My ex has been in the pysch ER twice this month, which could have been a wake-up call, but the therapist is still refusing to diagnose her or get her into more intensive treatment. To a certain extent I understand not wanting to push the patient too far, but when a patient is in the ER multiple times a month, I think that indicates a need to recognize you're in over your head and get her into more capable treatment. She gets released by the skin of her teeth for not *quite* having an active plan by the time she gets to the ER.

Now my ex is just wreaking havoc, out of control in every aspect of her life--new extremely unhealthy relationship, paranoid delusions that will harm her few remaining family relationships, about to flunk out of school which will leave her homeless. I think the therapist is doing her a serious disservice by validating her delusions that she's a victim, I was the problem, her mental health issues are very mild and not BPD, etc.

[Teereese]

My stbxH fled several therapists that he felt could not be manipulated.

In general, he froze out and disposed of anyone who could not be manipulated or did not serve his purpose - his own family, friends, co workers.

When a person called him out, questioned him or did not agree with him, he was done with them.

He did have one therapist that seemed to be making progress. He used to call the therapist after fights, while in crisis, any time, day or night. The therapeutic relationship crashed and burned. I feel the therapist meant well but became his rescuer and had to bow out. It became too much and got out of control.

In his case, he was victimized, abused and neglected from birth. The trauma was real and was valid. He will always be a victim.

The damage to his self was straight through to the core. Unfortunately, the damage will never be repaired.

He does not have any true long term friendships.

He has alienated his children.

He is high functioning and can be very charming but only for so long.

He has had long term jobs but each time his employment ended, it went badly.

[Beacher]

My therapist told me that HIS therapist has a moral obligation to listen to their loved ones if they think they are in danger of hurting themselves or others. They don't have to respond, just listen. She was very good when things were terrible last year and he yanked me out of a chair 2 weeks after my neck spinal surgery and actually convinced him to let us separate for 2 months. I was very surprised but extremely grateful. Unfortunately it just made him more resentful when I came back and did not help our relationship, but I felt I was in danger. I left her several messages after the last episode but never heard back. I'm at a loss here now and just wondering when I can approach him again about some serious DBT therapy. So not really sure what she's doing to help him but it doesn't seem to be working if she is!

[Mutt]

I'm just saying with something like BPD - I spent over a year with the dude before it manifest itself, and his ex wife had a decade with him (not sure when or how it surfaced with her), and he's had long term friendships and he's got kids... .I think only really really intimate folks get exposed to the ugly side of this stuff sometimes, especially with high functioning people.

Thoughts?

Hi MSNYC,

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I've been to counselors, therapists, and psychologists and there were areas in my life where I wasn't doing the work, I didn't want all of the help that I was offered.

I recommend going to therapy and talking to a support group, but I found it really does wonders when you're committed, doing the work and you find a therapist that syncs well with you. That said.

Are you disappointed that his therapist wasn't able to help him with his issues?