New Coping Mechanism for dealing with triggers

[todayistheday]

This is new for me.  It may be a well-published technique.  I've read most of the survivors guide and haven't seen it there.    If you look at the steps, there are elements of a number of the steps in this, starting with Steps 4, 10, etc.    Maybe it's #19 and #20.

It has to do with choosing whether to be happy or miserable.

Certain songs trigger me because they relate very closely for some reason to a painful event in my teen years.

Today, such a song came on the car radio.  Instead of changing the station, I did think about what the song triggered.  This one had to do with  my M's disapproval of my 9th grade crush.  Like many BPD Moms, she didn't approve of anyone I spent time with.  The guy -- that ended up like most 9th grade relationships if allowed to run their course, even though our course was not normal due to my Mom. 

The thoughts turned to happiness.  I thought about how my life is now.  I let the song remind me of how far I have come and how wonderful my life is.  How I have become a successful person in spite of her, away from her and how I now have a happy life with a sweet and patient DH. 

So instead of upsetting me, hearing the song made me happy.  Took me almost 40 years to get there, but, it's progress.


If that technique works for any of you as well, great!

[Turkish]

It sounds like your present has left your past in the dust.

I was a teen when Star Trek 5 came out, the summer I was getting ready to leave home. I loved the scene where Kirk said, "I need my pain!" Forgive my nerdly aside.

Now I question that: do we, or can we just acknowledge that we can't change the past, only the present, and move on?

[unicorn2014]

Hi today is the day, I can relate to the part about your mom not liking your friends. I remember there was one friend my mom didn't like. She was pretty checked out my teen years, busy going back to school, dealing with my visually impaired brother, working. She didn't deal with me at all except to punish me. It hurts to think about it. She thinks I did neat things in high school. She let me be truant, didn't know I was doing drugs, getting taken advantage of by boys and men.