Hello Blkbrd,
If you kept it bottled up for so long that you let it out at once, then it is what it is. That she might try to reconnect is possible, and it seems like you are feeling anxious about this possibility.
Who do you have in your life to lean on, Blkbrd? Sometimes sharing the truth with a trusted person can lift an enormous burden from our souls.
The distance sounds good for now, but what else are you doing to take care of yourself?
We have a Survivor's Guide to the right of this board. If you take a look at it, where do you think you are, at what stage? What memories bother you the most about being the child of a BPD parent?
I hope to hear more and how best we can support you.

Turkish