I can't believe I put up with so much misery

[hopealways]

3.5 months NC now and this is the longest I have gone NC but it really is starting to bring clarity.  I feel like there has been a fog in my head which I am just beginning to see past.  I remember all the misery she put me through and wonder: how the heck did I put up with all that? And for almost 4 years?

BPD relationships suck!  I can't encourage enough sticking with NC.  We really don't realize how much damage was done to us until we ride it out for many months after the final discard. I am just beginning to realize it and hate myself for putting up with so much. Nobody is worth suffering this much over.

[C.Stein]

I'm about the same amount of time out of the final discard.  Hasn't been entirely NC, but for the most part it has, not that I really had much choice.  I admire your progress so far, you are doing much better than I am at dealing with a loss like this.  I'm having a very hard time letting go in spite of the way I was feeling before the relationship ended.  I don't think any of my other romantic failures was ever this difficult to get over.

[mylife2]

I feel the same. I can't believe that I put up with so much, the take, take and no give. The put downs, accusations, mind games, lies and control. But struggling for some reason like a part of me is missing. I guess I just have to go through this. I love me and know I am none of those things he tells me I am. Just have to let go and remember that I have been damaged but will repair. That I am strong and deserve love in return. Miss him, he says he misses me too, but he has lied and manipulated me so much, I can't believe him. I also know he has been working hard at replacing me from probably before we split. He just needs to find somebody he sees as an upgrade. Well maybe I can be upgraded but not replaced. He will never know my worth or appreciate everything I gave him of myself. Everything I've missed out on. Wish my heart was as wise as my head.

[Mutt]

Hi hopealways,

3.5 months. Nice going 

I hear regret. What do you regret?

[hopealways]

What do I regret?

I regret:

-ever meeting her

-ignoring the red flags and instead chasing her seduction

-allowing myself to lose myself

-becoming passive to appease her and avoid the rage episodes

-giving so much and receiving crumbs

-wasting my time with her

-not leaving sooner