Maintaining Boundaries: How do I know if he's trying to recycle?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

This BPD thing, no matter how much you learn about it, is just a MESS to understand.  Can anyone share their stories about how their ex tried to set them up for a recycle?  I've set the boundary that it WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN, but, I also realize there's a person on the other end and I can't bring myself to be unkind if he makes contact, which he has.  If I know -- or have an idea -- of what I might expect when he wants to recycle, then maybe it will make it easier to enforce my boundary.  I don't know.  I'm having a bad day, guys.  One of those where I've sporadically felt sad, relieved, angry, etc., within the span of a couple of hours.  Intellectually I know what's best, but damn it!  My heart!  Ugh!

[Creativum]

This BPD thing, no matter how much you learn about it, is just a MESS to understand.  Can anyone share their stories about how their ex tried to set them up for a recycle?  I've set the boundary that it WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN, but, I also realize there's a person on the other end and I can't bring myself to be unkind if he makes contact, which he has.  If I know -- or have an idea -- of what I might expect when he wants to recycle, then maybe it will make it easier to enforce my boundary.  I don't know.  I'm having a bad day, guys.  One of those where I've sporadically felt sad, relieved, angry, etc., within the span of a couple of hours.  Intellectually I know what's best, but damn it!  My heart!  Ugh!

[Turkish]

There's nothing wrong with being kind (so saith my T  I've been struggling with this for two years; more so since recently that my Ex telegraphed to me that she made a mistake. Thamfully, it was two years later, so I've had plenty of time to process this.

What do you want, ultimately?

[Creativum]

There's nothing wrong with being kind (so saith my T  I've been struggling with this for two years; more so since recently that my Ex telegraphed to me that she made a mistake. Thamfully, it was two years later, so I've had plenty of time to process this.

What do you want, ultimately?

Ultimately?  A "normal" break-up where you eat ice cream and get on with your life.  But what I do want is to be able to detach permanently without hurting him unnecessarily in the process. As angry as I am, and as much as I know it can't work out, I have trouble being direct and saying GO AWAY, and I wouldn't know when to DO that.

[Turkish]

Two years out, I still have some anger, though most of it has faded. We have kids, so I'm required to keep in contact. She said earlier today that she wanted to call tonight. It's late; she hasn't. Her mood probably changed. She is who she is. It's late enough that I won't accept a call now. Boundary. What kind of boundaries are you willing to enforce? Not for him, but for you?