ex still doesn't believe it is over

[klacey3]

It has been nearly 5 months since we ended and since I have seen him. Within that time he has messaged my friends, family, sent me many emails (i ignored about 30 in a row from him within the space of 2 months), he creates new facebook accounts to talk to me. I thought having a phone conversation with him might help him get closure. I told him i reiterated I dont want to see him, talk to him and we will never get back together because I won't forgive the past and I hope for his sake he can sort his life out and be happy. Since then he has continued to try to contact me saying that I am trying to mess with his head by giving him false hope. I don't know how I could be any blunter... He has said i am being disgusting by not telling him if i am seeing someone and if i dont tell him if i am seeing someone he will ask someone I know about it. So i lied and told him I was seeing someone and now more questions...

I am so so sick of being ignored and repeating myself over and over and then feeling guilty about being so rude and blunt with him. Has anyone else been in a situation similar or have any advice?

[Creativum]

It has been nearly 5 months since we ended and since I have seen him. Within that time he has messaged my friends, family, sent me many emails (i ignored about 30 in a row from him within the space of 2 months), he creates new facebook accounts to talk to me. I thought having a phone conversation with him might help him get closure. I told him i reiterated I dont want to see him, talk to him and we will never get back together because I won't forgive the past and I hope for his sake he can sort his life out and be happy. Since then he has continued to try to contact me saying that I am trying to mess with his head by giving him false hope. I don't know how I could be any blunter... He has said i am being disgusting by not telling him if i am seeing someone and if i dont tell him if i am seeing someone he will ask someone I know about it. So i lied and told him I was seeing someone and now more questions...

I am so so sick of being ignored and repeating myself over and over and then feeling guilty about being so rude and blunt with him. Has anyone else been in a situation similar or have any advice?

Step 1:  Bury your face in a pillow.

Step 2:  SCREAM!

... .Repeat as necessary ... .

Seriously. It's SO FRUSTRATING!  My ex, even though HE ended it, still doesn't believe it's over.  He repeats over and over again that it is, yet will still contact me out of the blue when he needs something/validation.  I confirm over and over that it's over, and yet I'm still his go-to.  Probably because I'm the first and only person in his entire life who took the time to listen, understand, and still love him.

During supply shortages, pwBPD will hold onto an ex even if they ended it themselves.  It gets worse when we're the one to end it with them.  It's not an easy situation, and if you think it's necessary, a restraining order might get you some relief.  At least then, if it's violated, the activity has been documented and it will no longer be *you* who looks crazy if he goes on a smear campaign.

[Freeatlast_1]

You guys are actually very lucky, Is the way I see it. My ex has not contacted me in two months, she had told me before that if we breakup she will never look back. I guess she meant it. Sometimes I wish to hear from her, I would love that text that says that she misses me, or that she's hurting that we're not together. But apparently she moved on, and I have not. I don't know how you relationships were, the way ex and I were super super close, I was the love of her life, she said that she's never ever felt like this before. Also she's the type that once broken up, would go and have sex with anybody she meets. She's very hypersexual. Which hurts a lot because I know that she is probably with somebody right now. So, be careful what you wish for, it's kind of nice to know that your ex cared enough about you to want to come back together.

[Schermarhorn]

You guys are actually very lucky, Is the way I see it. My ex has not contacted me in two months, she had told me before that if we breakup she will never look back. I guess she meant it. Sometimes I wish to hear from her, I would love that text that says that she misses me, or that she's hurting that we're not together. But apparently she moved on, and I have not. I don't know how you relationships were, the way ex and I were super super close, I was the love of her life, she said that she's never ever felt like this before. Also she's the type that once broken up, would go and have sex with anybody she meets. She's very hypersexual. Which hurts a lot because I know that she is probably with somebody right now. So, be careful what you wish for, it's kind of nice to know that your ex cared enough about you to want to come back together.

My ex ended up apologizing and flirting with me after breaking up with me 2 months before. We had absolutely no contact during that time, and she said we would never see each other again. Then she found somebody else a week later and told me we shouldn't talk anymore.

She is still with that guy I think (I have quit checking for my sanity as of 3 weeks ago).

It's all about supply. If they have someone else you do not exist to them. If they don't, you mean the world to them.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Hey Klacey3,

I am sorry for what you are going thru.   I ended with my ex abt 11 months ago.   He has contacted me almost 700 times since then.   I have told him 3 times that I wish him no harm but do not want any future contact.   The third and final time was the middle of January.  And he still reaches out.    I ignore him and do not respond.   I will do so forever.   I have read that stalking lasts, on average, from 18-24 months.  Thankfully,  the intensity,  the frequency and threats have lessened with time but I Iong for the day when he contact ends.

I have intentionally not pursued a restraining order.   Thus far,  it has been the right choice for me.  

Freeatlast ,  I do not feel at all lucky.   My ex's not letting go,  which has been very threatening at times,  has been incredibly destructive in my life and in my kids' lives.   We have all encountered a darker side of life than we ever wanted to.   While I imagine being discarded without another word would feel terrible,  I don't think any of us are lucky.   It seems life post-BPD-b/u is hard in either extreme.   Being discarded must suck.   And feeling Iike a bug caught in a petri dish I can't get out of totally sucks too.  

Hang tight,  everyone.   We're all getting thru!

[klacey3]

You guys are actually very lucky, Is the way I see it. My ex has not contacted me in two months, she had told me before that if we breakup she will never look back. I guess she meant it. Sometimes I wish to hear from her, I would love that text that says that she misses me, or that she's hurting that we're not together. But apparently she moved on, and I have not. I don't know how you relationships were, the way ex and I were super super close, I was the love of her life, she said that she's never ever felt like this before. Also she's the type that once broken up, would go and have sex with anybody she meets. She's very hypersexual. Which hurts a lot because I know that she is probably with somebody right now. So, be careful what you wish for, it's kind of nice to know that your ex cared enough about you to want to come back together.

Lucky? Definetly not. This morning I recieved an email saying hes got all the names he needs, i am going to hurt now too and my new boyfriend isn't replying to his messages. This means he has somehow been able to access my facebook and messaging any boy I am tagged in a picture with/liked a photo of mine. He is making my life hell.

I understand it must be really hard for you being discarded with  no contact from him at all. Both situations are awful.

[greenmonkey]

I have full understanding, I am a year out and nearly one year strict no contact. I moved 180 odd miles round trip away from my uBPD ex. I still get weekly visits, where she sits outside my fence line, out of sight, I have CCTV to try and catch her, she has taken out fraudulent insurance policies at my address, cyber stalks me, last week, I had a night time visit, a phone and ac cyber stalk and that is one year on.

It is as my daughter says creepy. She has created a number of profiles, on various sites, different ages, locations, jobs in order to keep tabs on me.

The police are aware of the situation and have been for a while.

I am looking forward to the day that I get on with my life without looking over my shoulder

[Kelli Cornett]

He is just board. As soon as he finds something else to occupy or obsessive over he will forget about you.

[Kc12]

I am 2 months after b/u. My ex still emails me as if we are together, telling me he will wait as long as it takes for me to be ready. I don't think I can ever go back. I sent him a message saying explaining I don't feel the same way as I once did and I don't want to get back together. He replied saying he'll never contact me again, wishes me happiness and basically just said goodbye. 5 days later and there's been no contact since. I don't know if he means it but we'll see.

[C.Stein]

You guys are actually very lucky, Is the way I see it. My ex has not contacted me in two months, she had told me before that if we breakup she will never look back. I guess she meant it. Sometimes I wish to hear from her, I would love that text that says that she misses me, or that she's hurting that we're not together. But apparently she moved on, and I have not. I don't know how you relationships were, the way ex and I were super super close, I was the love of her life, she said that she's never ever felt like this before. Also she's the type that once broken up, would go and have sex with anybody she meets. She's very hypersexual. Which hurts a lot because I know that she is probably with somebody right now. So, be careful what you wish for, it's kind of nice to know that your ex cared enough about you to want to come back together.

Oh ... .you and I are too much alike in this respect.  My ex is also not the type to look back and has said as much.  She is also "hypersexual" in that she uses sex to manage stress and probably other BPD related feelings.  

She said the same things to me a one time and it is beyond painful to see her detach and move on to the next guy so easily and quickly while I'm an emotional mess.   I was supposedly the love of her life, her future and if it wasn't me it would be no one.  She also said she wasn't interested in sex any more, she only wanted to make love.  Why is it so hard to let these people go?

[Lucky Jim]

I thought having a phone conversation with him might help him get closure. I told him i reiterated I dont want to see him, talk to him and we will never get back together because I won't forgive the past and I hope for his sake he can sort his life out and be happy. Since then he has continued to try to contact me saying that I am trying to mess with his head by giving him false hope.

Hey klacey, In my experience, a pwBPD will entice/manipulate/goad in order to get you to engage with him/her so your idea that having a phone conversation with him would bring closure was, in my view, misplaced.  They don't operate that way.  No need to feel guilty about being blunt.  There is often an obsessive side to a pwBPD, as you are finding out.  Suggest you work on keeping good boundaries.  You have to be firm.

LuckyJim

[Herodias]

I am proud of myself for being 4 days short of 3 months -no contact. I will make it and beyond. My ex on the other hand has tried to contact me twice. This last time it was after midnight, my phone is on do not disturb. He tried to e-mail,text and call. He is acting like he is getting a lawyer to take me to court. I have not heard of anything being filed as he said it would be. I have a friend that can look it up. I think he is just trying to suck me back in by creating some drama. I just ignored him... .I wasn't able to do that in the past. He said "please call me, we should speak". If he already "filed', we have nothing to "speak" about!

[Lucky Jim]

Good for you, Herodias.  Right, he is using fear -- the threat of a court filing -- to intimidate you, yet you have ignored it.  I admire your resolve.  Yes, he's using drama to suck you back in, but you haven't fallen for it!   

LuckyJim

[klacey3]

I thought having a phone conversation with him might help him get closure. I told him i reiterated I dont want to see him, talk to him and we will never get back together because I won't forgive the past and I hope for his sake he can sort his life out and be happy. Since then he has continued to try to contact me saying that I am trying to mess with his head by giving him false hope.

Hey klacey, In my experience, a pwBPD will entice/manipulate/goad in order to get you to engage with him/her so your idea that having a phone conversation with him would bring closure was, in my view, misplaced.  They don't operate that way.  No need to feel guilty about being blunt.  There is often an obsessive side to a pwBPD, as you are finding out.  Suggest you work on keeping good boundaries.  You have to be firm.

LuckyJim

What you say is true. My ex even said to me "I would say anything to hurt you. I would rather you hate me and respond out of anger  than not talk to me at all"

After lying to him about seeing someone he has called me a cheating headf*cking slut and quoted back to me what I said 3 MONTHS AGO about not even thinking about any guys. How can he believe I am these things and not understand that we are over and I am not cheating because of this? I don't understand :-/

And to the people that say I am lucky... seriously? Being in a situation where you are insulted 24/7 and no matter what you do they just don't go away, make implied threats, message people on your facebook for a smear campaign is awful.