There were times I was selfish too and could have been more compromising. I feel horrible about it and I'm not looking for someone to tell me that it wasn't my fault to make me feel better, I just would like to know if anyone out there has gone through this and what steps they took to get out of it. At the end she was even crying saying about how neglected she was and how I "brought the worst out of her" I don't think I was that bad, and maybe she was just looking to blame but i don't even know. My mind is all over the place as of late. Any advice would be great thanks.
And there it is, the emotional-hook that seems to snag us and pull us into the whirlpool of confusion. You must be pretty powerful guy to bring out the worst or best in anyone. The insinuation is that it is your actions that are making her feel/behave in a certain way, just not true - and you probably already know it. So the question follows, why is it that these hooks grab US and have no impact on others. I suppose there are may reasons.
I definitely identify with the guilt and have had (and still do) get case of the shoulda's. At the point I am at now, my thoughts are that I am still building a central core of being. Meaning that something about me was missing and that I cannot emotionally see that I don't have that much power over someone else and vice-versa.
Multiple posters have challenged me with the following question; is this how I would want to be treated by someone that loved me? My answer - for my situation - has always been no. So, whatever feelings that question elicits are usually tied to my healthier side. Try to build on that. Would you want to be cheated on, lied to or manipulated by the person you love? Why not? For me the answer was because I love myself and want something better for my life - this PD r/s may be highly addictive, but not what I want for my own life.
Hope this helps.
