Q. Can a pwBPD have a relationship with another pwBPD or NPD ?

[JohnnyShoes]

I've often wondered about this

Because, I've also wondered if I have a BPDisorder... or NPD.

Like to hear some thoughts on this.

My own thoughts say its entirely possible...

Which is doubly sad.

But as for me, putting aside the traits that I do exhibit, I DO have a heart, I can feel compassion and empathy, and I can love and know (unfortunately) how it feels when the person you love... .does not value your love, and you realize that they have been mascerading behind a pretend person.

[Creativum]

I've often wondered about this

Because, I've also wondered if I have a BPDisorder... or NPD.

Like to hear some thoughts on this.

My own thoughts say its entirely possible...

Which is doubly sad.

But as for me, putting aside the traits that I do exhibit, I DO have a heart, I can feel compassion and empathy, and I can love and know (unfortunately) how it feels when the person you love... .does not value your love, and you realize that they have been mascerading behind a pretend person.

I think it absolutely can happen.  I'll have to go back and look at your first post to see what your experience has been in relationships, but yes, it can happen.  The NPD would probably love to latch on to a BPD because the latter's fear of abandonment flatters the former's need for an endless supply.  A pwNPD would love nothing more than someone who will keep running back to them, and the pwBPD thrives on that kind of drama.

As for two with BPD?  Well ... .Probably?  Although I'm not sure I'd want to know what such a thing would look like.  I've heard anecdotes that two pwBPD get together, but usually they're in treatment.  I've never heard of such an arrangement lasting, though.

I suppose the litmus test for you is:  How honestly did you love them, how much did you fear that love, and were you afraid of abandonment and/or loss of supply?  Did you love selflessly and unconditionally, or selfishly and on the condition that they provide you with supply/reassurance that they won't abandon you? 

Please do keep in mind that codependency issues can make a person *look* like they have BPD or NPD, and other conditions can mimic these disorders, but the litmus test above will clarify that, I think.  If you're unsure, please find someone to help you sift through things and find out whether it's codependency or something more sinister.  Stay well.

[MSNYC]

I think many of these traits are on a spectrum... .

Like, a lot of people do heavy drinking or substance abuse to medicate themselves, especially when they are experiencing abandonment or loss. A lot of us are afraid of being alone. A lot of us are capable of being hot and cold toward the same person, and a lot of us can charm people while we're personally dealing with a lot of pain. But I think the point at which it crosses into destructive, patterned, out-of-touch-with reality behavior is when it becomes truly concerning. Even as a lot of us do those things from time to time, we are aware when we are doing them, and we are able to control it to some extent or another and maintain somewhat stable relationships with those we are close to.

Yes, I do think they can pair off together. I'm thinking about an exGF that my ex told me he had before he dated me, and (if what he says can be trusted) it sounded like they both had some strong BPD stuff going on.

[Turkish]

The Narcissistic/Boderline couple is thought to be a common pairing (inflated false self meets deflated false self). I was rereading some of this dicussion and you may find it useful:

What is the relationship between BPD and narcissism (NPD)?

Though it can help us frame questions, not every narcissist pairs with a pwBPD, or the reverse. Labels aside, it's good to look at what attracted us to these relationships. FOO certainly can play a part in a lot of cases. I recall you posting that you had a borderline mother, right? Perhaps it's the familiarity of the dynamics you played as a child which attracted you. Exhibiting these dynamics (because they were familiar) may have attracted your partner, aside from the benign things which attract people to each other. Does diagnosing yourself with x traits related to y disorder help or hinder your progress?